Abandonment
by Murasaki Kurai
Summary: After realizing the truth of his origins, Loki, the love of Sigyn's life, and her betrothed since childhood, abandoned her on Midgard. LokixSigyn Thor and Avengers spoilers. Rated M for smut and rape.
1. Dusk: Part 1

**Summary: After realizing the truth of his origins, Loki, the love of Sigyn's life, and her betrothed since childhood, abandoned her on Midgard. **

**A/N:** This story starts and the beginning of Thor and goes past Avengers Assemble. So, yes, there are spoilers for both.

**Rated M** for a reason. Sexual reasons.

**A Warning:** I take the characters (meaning Sigyn) to a dark place. This story is not rainbows and butterflies.

**A side note:** Sigyn is NOT based on the Marvel comic book version. At all. She is LOOSELY based on the Norse goddess. I have done some research-some of the terms are taken from that. One such term is _Galdrs Hapts, _Sigyn's namesake which translates to Fetter of Incantation and Illusion. It is pronounced Gal-drar Hapts (I believe). Sigyn's name is pronounced many different ways. I prefer See-gin (as opposed to Seg-in).

**Abandonment**

**_Dusk_**

Part 1

It has been said, that just before night falls on Asgard, the realms of the universe—even the two realms of the dead—align in perfect symmetry. It is a moment that comes only once in a day, in which everything is in balance; sky and earth; day and night; life and death; light and dark; good and evil. Poets of Asgard and Midgard alike have written songs of the beauty of the strange harmony that comes about at twilight. For just an instant, everything is in peace.

But just as quickly as it comes, it goes, and the perfection falls away as if it never existed at all. The moments of happiness and coherence that once were dissolve into night. Peace and balance is forgotten. Everything that once existed falls prey to destruction, corrosion and chaos.

* * *

When I was a little less than three hundred years old, my father, the right hand man of the great King Odin, betrothed me to the younger of Odin's sons: Loki. I was small then, and didn't truly understand what a betrothal meant. I remember, at first, thinking it to be a game, as if the boy, only a bit larger than I, was some sort of obstacle, and a betrothal (because I honestly had no understanding of the word) was a task to prove myself to my fellow Asgardians.

So I set about planning how to defeat my betrothed. I told no one—somehow I got it into my head that everyone around me was set about trying to thwart my plans. I didn't even tell my bothersome nanny's that were always bent on dressing me in ridiculous outfits that seemed centuries before my time. Though I no longer remember my exact plan, or what its purpose was, I remember it involved poisoned wine. Poison has no fatal effect on Asgardians, but it does cause a day of sickness (give or two a few hours, depending on the purity of the substance). I succeeded in obtaining the poison by using my position as daughter of Odin's favorite lord, and I then tried to offer it to Loki in a chalice made of clear crystal. Such an offering is meant to show nothing but pure admiration, devotion and good intentions, so this was actually a minor slap in the face. As a child it wasn't such a big deal, more of an occurrence for ladies to shake their fingers at sarcastically and for men to give a hearty chuckle.

"Loki," I called out to him, with the glass balanced carefully on my palm. I attempted a half-hearted curtsy. "I bring you a drink!"

He glanced at me for a moment, then held out his hand to take the glass from my hand. For a moment, I expected him to actually take a drink, and I was excited. I thought I would win the game. I thought this was what I was meant to do—overcome the boy my father told me I would one day wed.

Then, Loki dropped the chalice to the floor. It shattered, but the wine stayed in place, in a solid form. Loki put out his hand, twisting it a bit, and the wine disappeared.

"Sigyn…You try to poison me?" He asked. His older brother, Thor, walked up behind him and stared at me.

"You tried to poison Loki? Why?"

I failed. I don't remember it, but apparently I ran out of the room sobbing to find my mother so she could comfort me.

Only then did someone explain to me what it meant to be betrothed.

Then I started to fall in love with Loki.

* * *

"Lady Sigyn," Loki called me over from where I stood waiting with a gesture of his hand. He pointed at a servant to bring me a drink, and after a moment I was presented with a goblet of wine. I placed _Galdrs Hapts_, my staff, on the table beside us so it would not be in the way. Odin presented me with _Galdrs _following my conquest during the last Festival of Sense in one of the many contests.

"_Galdrs_ possesses many powers, some of which even I do not understand," Odin told me. "And though it may not have the strength of Mjolnir or Gungnir, it will undoubtedly serve your purposes, no matter what they may be."

Loki laughed as I took my place beside him. "Do you remember when we were children and—"

"I tried to poison you?" I cut off his memory, with a smile. "Of course. I nearly won that battle, if I recall."

"If by win, you mean that I called you out on your ridiculous battle plan, then yes, you won indeed."

I laughed in response. "I was young." I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. "How are you feeling?"

"Never better. I do love a good banquet, don't you?"

"You know what I mean. It could have been you. How do you feel?"

"You sound like my mother, Sigyn. It's unbecoming."

"Please. If I were your mother I would beat your feelings out of you." That woman would not be trifled with.

"I am happy for my brother. Truly. You should not worry so."

"Worry? Me?" I joked. I turned to see his snarky smile, but instead there was a blank look frozen on his face. _What-?_

Then, arms closed around me from behind and the double disappeared. I cried out and dropped my wine in surprise. The glass shattered on the floor.

I felt his mouth touch my neck softly, kneading the flesh there with his lips and tongue. I shifted my head a bit, to move my hair out of his way, and tried to press into him. He turned me around slowly, tantalizingly. Then, his lips were on mine. Though his speech and body language never gave any impression but of mischief, sensually, he played no games. He was straightforward and offered a wordless give-and-take sort of agreement. He took what he wanted, but he also returned the favor, oftentimes, ten times over. In fewer words, he was an extremely passionate lover. Or, at least, I imagined he was. We had yet to get that far, but each time we had a meeting like this one, I felt it was only just around the corner.

"Loki…" The moan escaped without any attempt at control. "Not… here…"

His body shuddered in agreement as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a connected smaller room. His hands were on me, and mine on him, both kneading into the other—almost competitively. I raked my hands through his hair, and he groaned, low and loud, into my mouth.

"_Sigyn_…" he hissed. Somehow, he wove his hand past my clothes to skim against my left breast. I felt my nipple harden instantly, quickly followed by the other. Pushing myself to be flush against him, I let out a shaky sigh. I felt his grin against my collarbone in response.

"I don't want to wait," He murmured into my skin. "Right now. I want to take you now, against the wall, like this. I don't care that it is supposed to be Thor's day to—"

"Loki!" A booming voice interrupted his musings. Our eyes, suddenly free of all passion, met. _Odin_.

"C-coming, father!" Loki shouted. He fixed his clothes and stroked my forehead as he briskly walked from the room. I straightened my clothes, hoping and praying that Odin didn't know I was with Loki.

"Loki," Odin said once his son arrived in the main room. "The ceremony will start soon. Your brother awaits your assistance."

"Yes, father. I was simply making sure there were no problems with the banquet," Loki replied immediately. I rolled my eyes. _Silver tongue._ "I will attend to Thor now. I apologize for—"

Odin cut him off.

"Sigyn. You should not leave _Galdrs _laying out in the open," he reprimanded. _Oh… _I felt my cheeks flush as I stumbled out of the side room. So as to not show him my shame I moved down to one knee and bowed my head.

"M-my apologies, sir." The King extended the staff to me so I could humbly accept it. I waited for him to address me further, but he was already turning back to my fiancé. I stood up, but continued to look at the floor.

"Son, your brother requires your presence. Go." I saw Loki nod out of the corner of my eye. I scampered after him, having no desire to stay beside Odin after such an embarrassing event.

"Sigyn. Remain here—I wish to speak with you," Odin commanded. Loki gave me a smile that was part apologetic and part mocking as he disappeared from the door.

"Yes, my king?" I asked, trying not to sound too grudging. He didn't reply at first.

"My sons are a bit of a handful," He began. "At first glance, it seems that Thor would be more so, in his haughtiness, but, really, it's Loki that I watch closely. Thor simply does as he wishes, when he wishes, but Loki… Loki plans each and every moment of his interactions with others. He is quite calculating. Sometimes for the good of others, but most often for himself."

_Is this a warning?_ Odin himself betrothed me to his son—why would he warn me now?

"What would you have me do, sir?" I asked carefully.

"You do understand the namesake of your weapon, correct?"

Well, vaguely, but what was he trying to say? "Of course. _Galdrs Hapts. _The Fetter of Illusion and Incantation."

Though I had yet to really use is as anything more than an accessory, which Odin surely knew.

"Loki needs someone beside him. Someone that understands him and his necessity for control and power—but also someone willing to go against his ideals, when they may be flawed, and make him a better man."

_Aha! _"Of course, my lord. I have seen many sides of Loki. I understand the way his mind works. I will, now, as I will when we wed one day, act as anchor for his sake."

Odin let out a long sigh, as if some weight had been lifted off his chest. "Very well. You may go, Sigyn."

"Until the ceremony, then, sir."

I walked from the room, elated to be out of such an awkward situation. Still, I felt a growing sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I did not fully comprehend what Odin had tried to make me understand. At first thought, his words seemed to be relatively shallow—simply an admonition against being taken advantage of by Loki. I liked to think, however, that Odin thought better of me than that. He knew I wasn't senseless to the point of swooning at his son's every word—and certainly not thoughtless enough to give into his every ridiculous inclination.

So what was the king trying to say?

My thoughts were interrupted by the trumpets announcing the approaching commencement of Thor's inauguration. I hurried alongside the crowd to the throne room. Following the ceremony would be a large banquet to celebrate with all the delicacies imaginable. Such events were rare to the point of being essentially nonexistent and therefore the royal family spared no expense.

Despite the glamour of the ceremony, I found myself unable to pay attention to the parade-like procession of the royal family—which I would one day join—and the exchanging of oaths between Thor and Odin. My thoughts continuously strayed back to Odin's words to me. Concern must have been etched into my face, because when I chanced a nervous glance at Loki he raised his eyebrows at me. I smiled at him and turned away, pretending to pay attention. It was a good point to start listening—only moments before Thor would become king.

"Then on this day, I, Odin, your father, proclaim you…"

Just as I turned back to look at the king, his entire demeanor froze. For a moment, everything in the room seemed to hang in suspension. Everyone waited for Odin to say the words making Thor king. They never came.

"_Frost Giants!_" Odin hissed.

Looking back, this was the shattering moment in which everything in my life began to fall to pieces. Though there may have previously been forces at work, I was never once aware of them.

Frost Giants did not invade Asgard. That didn't happen. Even during the war, it was unheard of—it was always either the Asgardians attacking Jotunheim or a battle ensuing on Midgard. It was impossible because Heimdall, the guardian sentry, guarded the Bifrost incessantly. It was the only way in and out of Asgard.

Panic ensued. Mothers made sure their children were at their sides. The battle cries Thor and the Warriors Three were the only distinguishable sounds against the backdrop of screaming and crying.

Odin rushed from the room, followed by his sons.

We later discovered that the fighting was minimal to absent due to the Destroyer. Once Odin dispatched the metal warrior, the invading Frost Giants were annihilated before the others even arrived to protect the Casket.

I did not see Loki again that day.

_A/N: Yes, ok this chapter is basically all background information. The next chapter is when things get dramatic. The majority of this story is already written (about 80%) and the parts that aren't are heavily outlined. I plan to update twice a week, assuming everything goes according to plan. I appreciate reviews!_

_Oh, and if you care, my Tumblr url is luvkurai_


	2. Dusk: Part 2

**Abandonment**

**_Dusk_  
**

Part 2

The following day, everything broke into havoc. Early on in the day, everyone shouted about Thor's banishment, by the end of it they were sobbing about Odin's sudden collapse and sleep. For the entirety of the day, I searched for my betrothed, but I did not find him until late evening. He stood alone in the throne room. Apparently the guards outside the room were instructed to not allow anyone to enter, so I had to fight my way in.

"L-Loki?" I demanded. "What is happening?"

He turned to look at me and waved the guards away. They bowed and exited, slamming the door shut behind them. Loki waved me over to stand beside him at the window.

"Is…everything alright?" I asked. _I want to help you_.

"The king has fallen into the Odinsleep."

"Yes… From the stress of your brother's exile, no doubt…"

"Indeed…" He paused, as if battling with some enormous decision inside himself. "Though that isn't all…"

He didn't go any farther, so I opted to prod a bit. "Loki…confide in me. Place your faith in me."

"Hm… I wonder." He paused for a long time again, and I was ready to give up when he spoke again.

"I pressured my brother," he began, slowly. "Into going to Jotunheim."

"Thor cannot be pressured into doing anything…"

"No, but he is easily manipulated, should one choose the correct tone of speech. I've been doing it since I was a boy—I doubt he's ever realized—but regardless… Thor, the Warriors Three, Lady Sif and I ventured into Jotunheim. I warned Odin of Thor's plans, but he arrived too late. Thor had…run amuck. Killed quite a few Frost Giants. The rest of us did as well, but Thor…"

"Why would you… have your brother invade Jotunheim…only to have your father intervene?"

Even as I said the words, I knew the answer. Loki turned to look at me, his eyes meeting mine. _To be king. _Tentatively, I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, hoping that it would express the complex message of sorrow, anger, disappointment and compassion that I needed desperately for him to understand.

"Thor was exiled," Loki said, with an air of finality.

"Try not to blame yourself too much," I whispered soothingly. "I know it's hard but—"

"No. I am not done yet. That isn't even… half of it… Sigyn."

He said my name with so much force that I felt my heart skip a beat.

"When I was in Jotunheim, a Frost Giant grabbed me. That is supposed to destroy Asgardian flesh, but instead… My skin turned sort of… blue."

_What?_

"My fath—Odin. I spoke with Odin upon my return, after the initial panic of Thor's banishment died down."

He didn't continue. "And…?" I whispered.

"I'm—a Frost Giant. Odin took me from Jotunheim following the war."

_A Frost Giant. From Jotunheim._ I felt my posture go lax as I slowly began to understand the implications.

Loki, so-called, Odinson was actually a Frost Giant, taken from another realm as a child.

"He took me as some sort of _tool_ for future peace between the realms," Loki spat out. My hand flew to my face.

But I was his betrothed. Odin himself arranged for the match. Odin knew what his son really was, and yet he arranged for him to be wed?

_Am I…?_

A sacrifice. My father must have known as well. Odin and my father chose me to be Loki's future wife as some sort of force to tether him to Asgard and therefore keep the peace one day when our children—half Asgardian, half Frost Giant hybrids—were born.

Our children. _My _children. Frost Giants. The image quickly forming in my mind made me gag. I had to sit down, but there was nowhere to go.

I was a sacrifice.

Suddenly, I became acutely aware of Loki watching me. _Stop it_, I told myself. S_top making it about you. _

He laughed, abruptly and viciously. I flinched. "You will turn from me, I assume, now that you are aware of my true origins?"

My words of denial met dead air.

"I don't blame you," he continued. "I am a monster. Should it be reversed, I imagine I would do the same. Who would I be, to expect anything more?"

"N-no, Loki—" I whispered, but he just continued on.

"Tell me, Sigyn, do you remember when our mothers sat with us and described the _horrors_ of my kinsfolk? If I think carefully, I recall you—_screaming _at the very idea that a Frost Giant should come into your room at night. Yet, little did you know, one was playing with you, eating beside you, _kissing you!_"

"Stop," I pleaded. "Stop this. You are not a monster—"

But just as I completed my statement, his complexion darkened to a chilling blue. My legs gave out and _Galdrs_ clattered to the ground beside me.

"You… fear me…" He whispered, and suddenly all I could see was a scared, wounded child very, very far from home. Leaving _Galdrs _behind, I stood and approached him.

"I do not fear you, Loki," I said quietly. It felt as if my entire existence depended on this moment. "Regardless of where you may come from, you will always be Loki. Just…Loki."

Then, he was kissing me, quickly, passionately, angrily, as if that was the only way he could determine if I was lying. Suddenly he gripped my hair and pulled violently, separating our lips. I cried out, gripping onto his arms for support. His eyes were stones, and I felt tears well in my own from simultaneous pain and sorrow.

As tears broke free to spill down my cheeks, he dropped me to the floor. For a split second, his eyes widened and he looked around the room wildly, as if there was something suspicious hiding there.

"Loki!" The sound of his mother's frantic shouts came muffled through the door. "Loki, darling, please open up!"

Though I hadn't noticed I was without it, my breath suddenly returned to me, leaving me gasping painfully on the floor. "You… should speak with… your mother…" I managed to say.

After making a strange motion between a shudder and an angry convulsion, he dragged me to my feet and pressed me against the window to kiss me long and hard.

"Wait for me in my chambers…" He growled. It wasn't a request. It was a command—and one that left me quaking in fear as he strode towards the door.

I had half a mind to disobey him, until he turned back around and looked at me, gaze reminiscent of the lost boy from a few moments ago, and murmured, "Please."

I nodded, closing my eyes to calm myself down. I barely heard the door close and I drifted into a nearly unconscious state.

_Relax. Meditate_, I thought. It was something I forced myself to do rarely, so at times like this I regretted not practicing more.

I strained my lips to stop shaking, and when I licked them I tasted blood. Loki had been rough.

_As he will continue to be, no doubt. _Did I really want our first time to be in the aftermath of severe tragedy? _Is there another option?_

There was no other option. _This was what Odin warned me about_, I told myself. I had to stand beside Loki—no matter what.

* * *

I waited in Loki's bedchamber for nearly an hour. By the time he arrived, he didn't even look pleased to see me—if anything he looked angrier than before. I likely should have asked what his mother wanted, but I feared any more tragic news would be the end of me.

So I waited for Loki to acknowledge me, with my arms awkwardly wrapped around my own waist. He strode about his room, throwing articles of clothing everywhere—his horned helmet to the floor, his cape on his chair, his shoes kicked against the wall. He did not step near me, where I sat on the edge of his bed.

Just when I began to ponder the prospect of my invisibility, he looked at me. I looked back, as if for the first time. Had he always been so…beautiful? I knew that wasn't the way one normally approached the appeal of a man, but it was true—especially in that moment. His hair fell loosely around his face, from a long day of stressful activities. His loosened garments showed his neck to be glistening with a light sheen of sweat. His eyes made him look slightly tired, but more than that possessed by some intense desire to be approved of. To be accepted. To be loved.

Without thinking, I extended my arm to him, silently asking him to approach me. There was no hesitation. Before I could blink he was on me, with as much ferocity and passion as before. His lips pressed into mine, and this time I noticed him biting me. At some point his hand moved to my right arm, which hung awkwardly between us. He squeezed with what felt like all the strength he had and pulled me closer against him. As I breathed out sharply in pain, he turned his head slightly and pushed his tongue inside, prodding. I curled my left arm around his waist and he moved his mouth to ravish my neck.

The passion that I so long admired and fantasized about had turned in on itself in Loki's panic. Everything was violent, everything was about dominance, despite the fact that I made no attempt to gain it myself.

Then, something clicked. The overtly distinct line between passion and pain became less so. Where his teeth previously left angry bruises they now left behind intensified sensation—and a desire for more.

"Oh—" I managed to groan. "Oh, _please_—"

As if he'd been waiting, though that was unlikely, he separated himself from me to grab the hem of my deep red dress and rake it up my body. I unattached the black metal that hung around my neck, allowing the frock to pool around my feet. As he successfully undressed me, I tried in vain to do the same for him. Each touch was deflected.

Once all I wore was the thin garment covering my hips and what lay below, he pushed me forcefully backwards to slam against the headboard of his bed. Never taking his eyes off me, he undressed himself. His chest I had seen before, but nothing below his hips, which were adorned with black trousers that hung loosely below his navel. But not for long—he released his arousal almost as soon as I could focus on his stomach. He was larger than I imagined him to be, but not exceedingly so. It was my first time, but somehow I felt more fear for what would happen if denied Loki this release than what any repercussions could be.

"Have you… have you done this before?"

"No…" He mumbled. He rested his knees on the bed and crawled towards me. "Only you, Sigyn."

His answer drove me into a fresh wave of passion; I grabbed his forearm and moved my lips to his. As our tongues danced together he moved his arm beneath me and shifted our positions so I laid flat. The kiss grew heated again. His hands moved to my thighs, crawling higher and higher until it skimmed their apex. I nodded against him, urging him on. I took a moment to glance down and release the tie holding the fabric together. Without reluctance he ripped the fabric away from my body.

His finger pressed into me, deep into me. I jerked back involuntarily, but his other hand, suddenly on my upper arm again, kept me in place.

The finger moved in, and out, in and out, then curled in on itself.

"Ah! L-Loki…!" My voice sounded foreign to my own ears. He silenced me with his lips only to bite down lightly on my tongue, causing a surge of gasps to bubble to the surface. For just a minute, everything between us became clumsy. He moved his hand away from my sex and grabbed my chin instead. Our noses crushed against one another, our chests brushed awkwardly, our eyes opened to take each other in only to meet and freeze. Then, he pressed his forehead against mine.

For a fleeting second I imagined that nothing catastrophic had happened in the last two days. Our breathing slowed down. Our heartbeats synced. We were not Loki and Sigyn—we were man and woman, in the raw, with zero complications, prepared to embark on a journey over the width of the microscopic space between our two bodies.

For maybe the first time during the entire evening, Loki showed an amount of tenderness as he slowly moved himself inside of me.

At first, it hurt, as I always assumed it would the first time, but slowly it became smoother. Still, the moment the pain from the initial penetration subsided, the angry, frustrated Loki returned.

Switching at random, Loki alternated between pounding viciously, so our hips clashed painfully, and moving teasingly slow, setting my nerves on edge, making me mewl against him. Eventually I gave up on all possibility of him allowing me release and began to move on my own, wrapping my legs around his waist for better leverage.

"No…" He hissed. An arm darted out to press me painfully into the mattress, eliciting a whimper from me. "Beg for it. _Beg_."

"Please, please, _please!_" I cried. My eyes squeezed shut and my toes curled. "Please, Loki. King Loki!"

At the sound of his new title he groaned and thrust into me as hard as seemed possible.

"Loki! Loki!" I cried out, as I came against him. His teeth bit into my shoulder as he neared the edge. Tears flamed up in my eyes from heightened emotions. "I—ah! I love you!"

He yelled my name into my mouth as he finished, releasing his weight to collapse on top of me. He didn't bother to pull out, he just held himself inside of me.

We stayed like that for so long that I forgot what it was like to be without him there. I felt as if I was born to be like that—me around him, him around me.

By the time he finally pulled himself out, I felt such a loss that I whined. I was cold without him. He pulled me close to him for a moment, then stood up to pull the duvet up the bed. As he did so I made the mistake of looking down at my body. Bruises in the shape of fingerprints littered my arms. I saw bite marks in my right shoulder and, placing my hand there, I felt blood flow. On top of that, my back ached and everything south of my navel felt raw.

_It wasn't supposed to be like this_. But I didn't care. It wasn't about me. Odin and my father deemed me a sacrifice when I was barely old enough to walk. This time it would be my choice.

Though, it wasn't a particularly difficult choice to make. Regardless of new information or his sudden personality shift, I loved Loki. I always would.

It wasn't something that could be explained or justified. It just _was_. Just as the sun would always set.

* * *

**A/N **Alrighty. The story begins. I should probably take this time to warn you. This is not a nice story. Bad shit is going to happen. I'm warning now because I don't want to do it again later and ruin the story, but at some point **there will be non-con.** Consider yourself warned. Thank you for any feedback. Also, if you have questions about anything, it's good to ask so I can make sure they get answered.

Again, my tumblr url is luvkurai. If anyone's interested I might post bonus stuff there (like passages I wrote but didn't have a place to fit in the story, etc).


	3. Dusk: Part 3

**Abandonment**

_**Dusk**_

Part 3

Loki was wrapped around me from behind the next morning, arms possessively enclosed around my abdomen. For a while, I drifted between sleep and wake, until Loki stirred and got up from the bed. I turned to look up at him. He gazed back, then kissed me on the forehead.

"I must attend to some things," he whispered. I nodded and moved to stretch and leave the bed.

Searing pain shot everywhere when I moved. I gasped and clutched myself. He looked at me curiously and I shook my head.

"Just—just a bit sore…" I managed to murmur. He started dressing himself in new clothes while I continued to forcibly relax my muscles. _I need to meditate more…_ I sighed. _Maybe after breakfast…_

When I looked back at Loki he was holding _Galdrs Hapts_. The sight made me feel surprisingly uneasy. I gave him a questioning glance and he stared between the staff and me for a moment.

"I don't understand…" He said, more to himself than to me. "Why would Odin give you something so worthless?"

I shrugged. It had, after all, proved to be worthless thus far, but that was likely more because I never was forced into a situation where it was necessary.

"He reminded me of it's namesake. The Fetter of Illusion and Incantation."

He made a bored sound and tossed it to me. Once it was in my hands I felt a bit of a buzz, as if it was charged with some sort of energy. As soon as I moved to inspect it further, it stopped.

Loki finished dressing and strode from the room. I moved more quickly than before, despite my aching body, and stumbled into the bathroom.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a full-length mirror. I did a double take at the sight of my reflection.

I thought I looked bad before going to sleep—now full bruises nearly covered my upper body. My neck and shoulders were lightly coated in dried blood, and after wiping it away I saw four bit marks that had scabbed over—three on my right shoulder and one on my left. My hips were battered as well, and my lips looked excessively chapped.

I took care rinsing the grime of blood and sweat off, as some of the bruises were more tender than others. Eventually, I decided I looked as best I could, so I returned to the bedroom to clothe myself.

* * *

After a quick change of clothes back in my own home, and an apple for breakfast, I moved to the large courtyard lying in the center of Asgard for a meditation.

I laid _Galdrs _across my lap, and for the first time, inspired by the energy experienced earlier, called on it to aid me. Breathing out, I felt the same energy surface and intensify, pulling me into it, allowing it to move into my subconscious and pull out the truths needed to move forward.

It was a bit like having a conversation with myself—but a wiser, more thoughtful version of myself. As an Asgardian, I was taught to recognize the soul in everything, including inanimate objects, but especially in magical instruments such as _Galdrs. _The souls of objects often could help us look within ourselves for guidance.

_Loki is angry. Too angry. He needs me. He needs me to stay by his side. I can protect him from himself. _

_Nothing can protect him from himself. He is a danger—both to you, and all of Asgard._

_No. He just needs guidance. _

_And you think you are the one to give it?_

Images of the activities from the night before flashed through my mind—Loki's intense gaze, his manhood, his strong hands, gripping every inch of my body—nearly interrupting my meditation.

_Perhaps that was a mistake, but I do not regret it. Mistakes must be made for one to move forward—_

_You think Odin doesn't understand that? Thor made a mistake, and he was sent to Midgard. Odin wouldn't do such a thing without a reason. He plans for Thor to return. _

_But… Loki, he couldn't possibly rule of Jotunheim. He deserves to be king of Asgard just as much._

_Your love blinds you. Loki cannot be king. He is not worthy. _

_What, precisely, makes him unworthy? He is honorable, he his kind, he—_

_He deceives you and he is selfish. He cares only for himself. You are ignorant of his true desires. Think back to what Odin told you. 'He is quite calculating. Sometimes for the good of others, but most often for himself.'_

_He could not have planned for his father to be Laufey. _

_No, but he is smart—and adaptable. _

I sighed. Forcing myself to concentrate. I didn't like where this was going, and never before had a meditation been so in depth, nor had I ever been so in tune with _Galdrs Hapts. _Part of me wanted to stop and go on with my original intentions—staying obediently by Loki's side. But that was impossible. _Galdrs _already had taken me too far.

_What does he plan to do, then?_

_I know only what you know and fail to see. You must look for that answer. _

And the meditation broke, leaving me exhausted on a plain of grass, struggling to collect my thoughts and emotions into one goal.

I drifted into sleep.

* * *

By the time I woke again, the sun was setting and I realized there was only one option. Thor had to be brought home—and only Loki could do so. I made for the palace again. When I arrived, darkness fell completely on Asgard, the moons and the worlds showing themselves clearly.

The closer I became to Loki's quarters, the more anxious I became. Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. By the time I arrived at his door, I was sprinting. Without knocking, I opened the door and stumbled into his room, extremely out of breath.

What I saw made little sense.

Loki stood with his arms extended in front of him, murmuring an enchantment foreign to my ears. Before him was a circle of shimmering light—beyond it an image like nothing I had ever seen. It was like the night sky, but brighter and clearer as if magnified and multiplied.

"What—what are you…?" The words refused to form. He turned to see me, at first shocked, then annoyed.

"What terrible timing you seem to have," he whispered. "Sorry, darling, but I have an engagement."

Ignoring him, I asked again. "Loki… what is that?"

"A portal to Midgard," he replied after a moment. For a moment, I was ecstatic. He already planned to go to Midgard and bring Thor home. I didn't need to do anything. Then a question came up: why was he not taking the Bifrost? And how did such a portal even exist?

"…Why are you going to Midgard?"

"I need to have a word with my brother. He's gotten himself into a bit of trouble."

"Are you bringing him back to Asgard?"

"No… I don't think Odin would quite approve."

My earlier intentions were forgotten. There was something obscenely wrong with this situation. An idea crossed my mind, suddenly and mercilessly. I tried in vain to push it back, but it would not be thwarted.

"Why doesn't anyone else know about this sort of portal?"

For a moment, he stared at me, tilting his head a bit, as if sizing me up. "You're beating around the bush. Ask me what you desire to know."

I could not. I did not want to know. He told me anyways.

"_I _aided the Frost Giants' entrance to Asgard."

My breath caught in my throat. I thought I was going to be sick.

"Why…?" My voice was small, and in the back of my mind, the memory of Odin warning me about Loki resurfaced. _I am weak._

"Sigyn, Sigyn, Sigyn. We were to be wed and yet you know so little of me? I've been playing tricks since I was a child."

"No. It's too much. Why would you—" _Why would he do something that could potentially threaten the safety of Asgard?_

"My _brother_ knows _nothing _of what it means to be king other than that it would allow him access to all the battlegrounds and whores that he pleases. Asgard needs a true king. Asgard needs _me_."

"That was for Odin to decide, Loki. He does everything for a reason—he has plans for you, I am sure."

He scoffed. "Oh, yes, indeed. He planned for me to return to my _home_ and rule as king _there_. As if I would reign over a pack of _monsters_. They deserve to be obliterated and turned to _ash._"

"They are not monsters, nor are you! Please, Loki, hear me! I looked past your birth. Others will do the same."

He turned to smirk at me. That caught me off guard—more than it probably should. "What—they'll _whore _themselves out to me?"

"No—what? How—how _dare_ you? You and I are to be wed! I chose to lay with you because I care for you and you _needed _me and—"

"Are you that stupid? Do you honestly believe yourself to be the only one I have awarded the slightest favor?"

_No. No, he couldn't—wouldn't—_

He sighed, as if irritated, turning away again. "Perhaps it is time that we end this pointless relationship."

"No!" I screamed. I wore far more emotions on my face and in my words than intended and I regretted it instantly. "You—you can't leave me! I _love_ you! I have always loved you!"

His gaze turned from the portal back to me. He raised his eyebrows, but only for a moment, before the corners of his lips turned up. He sneered at me.

"Well…that isn't my fault."

My heart shattered. It had to be a lie. He loved me. He—

He moved for the portal again. Without even giving my actions a thought, I leapt out at him, catching him just as he moved through the light.

It was a foreign experience, as I never once travelled through the Bifrost. At first I overreacted, nearly letting go of Loki, which would have either killed me or thrown me somewhere into the depths of space. After becoming used to it, it was almost pleasant. The light was beautiful and glorious—it felt like flying.

Then the sensation fell away as I slammed into rock hard earth, _Galdrs _beside me. The force made me lose my hold on Loki as well. Looking around, my eyes met pitch-black night.

Somewhere to my left, Loki let out a deep, pitying sigh. "I suppose this is for the best. You seem to always be in the way recently and I can't exactly have you speaking to others about my origin."

Words would not form.

"I'm casting a spell on you. Heimdall will be able to neither see nor hear you, so please do not waste your breath calling for him to open the Bifrost."

Through the darkness, I felt his hand cup my cheek. In a panic, I moved towards him, trying to grab his arm. My hands met only air and the touch disappeared from my face.

"Goodbye, Sigyn."

**_End of Dusk_**

* * *

**A/N **Just so we're clear, Dusk is the first part of the story. The other parts will be published here, under the same title.


	4. Night: Part 1

**Abandonment**

_**Night**_

Part 1

Darkness is a concept not truly understood by many—especially by Asgardians. The heaven-like realm is a beacon of light, so even at nightfall the buildings, the water, the people, everything glows. Even at the darkest hour of the night—midnight—Asgard still possesses the luminosity of a candle.

Midgard, I realized, is different. In a moment of raw indifference, before the dread set in, I pondered why such a place was deemed so important. Odin seemed to favor Midgard, but as far as I could tell it was a barren wasteland of darkness. I couldn't even see my own hands.

Without thinking, I yelled out, "Loki?"

Silence.

"Loki?"

I heard a click to my right, so I jumped to my feet and sprinted in that direction. Almost immediately, I tripped and tumbled to the ground.

"Loki?" My voice was cracking. "Loki…Loki…Please…"

Then the tears began to fall. I pulled myself from the ground and looked up into the sky, because I knew not where else to look.

"LOKI!" I screamed. "Don't do this! Loki!"

I absently realized I was sobbing. If I was not blind to everything around me, perhaps I would have been disgusted, angry with myself, but the darkness made me feel undone.

For perhaps the first time in my entire existence, I was alone.

* * *

Though I could see my hands, morning brought no enlightenment. I knew not where I was; I knew not how to return home. Heimdall would not hear me no matter what I did. Loki made that clear.

_Galdrs _in hand, I stumbled across the desert in agony. I hungered for sustenance, as I had only eaten an apple a full day ago. My body still ached from the sex of two nights before. My thoughts, however, were, by far, the worst.

_He is punishing you. He will be back any moment to collect you. He will take you home. Do not lose faith. _

The words of reason I repeated to myself eventually were smothered by the idea that he truly had abandoned me. He hated me. He wanted me out of his life.

_Perhaps it is time we end this pointless relationship._

At the memory of his cruel words, I dropped to my hands and knees, choking on some invisible force that left me gasping for air.

I screamed to the sky again, voice refusing to reach a reasonable volume due to my sobbing, "LOKI! FORGIVE ME! LOKI! MY KING!"

I collapsed to the ground and curled into fetal position, unable to imagine anything other than his arms around me.

* * *

Eventually I pulled my mind and body into an empty shell of myself for the sake of finding food and water. I trekked across the desert until long past midday and came across a dirt road. Off in the distance, I could just see a building rising out of the cracked earth. I turned in that direction.

I walked into a town made up of five buildings.

"Ma'am? Are you alright?" I turned to see an older man with a strange hat on his head and shaded spectacles over his eyes. He pushed them up his nose with his thumb.

Suddenly I realized what I must have looked like. I still wore one of my glamorous Asgardian frocks, with my hair pulled back in a golden clasp, but I was covered from head to toe with dust from the desert.

I opened my mouth to respond to the man, but the roof of my mouth was so dry that words wouldn't come out. I shook my head.

"Come into the diner, I'll buy you something to eat."

While I waited for food, the man directed me across the restaurant to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I realized I looked worse than I thought. My skin was coated in a mixture of dirt and sweat, making my pigmentation darker than I had ever seen. The makeup from Asgard was now smeared across my face, making my tear stained cheeks extremely obvious. My eyes were bloodshot.

I looked insane. I took care to wash my arms and face so that I was presentable to some degree, then returned to the table, where some sort of breaded meat awaited me. I was too hungry to care and inhaled the entire meal and three glasses of water.

"How did you get this far out?" The man asked me after a while. "You came walking in from the desert—there ain't nothing out there."

I sighed. "I am not from around here…"

"That much is pretty obvious, honey," the waitress chimed in from the other side of the counter. The wagged her finger at me. "What happened to you?"

What could I possibly give as a reason for being out in the middle of the desert. These humans possessed no knowledge of Asgard and therefore mentioning Loki or that I was his betrothed would do nothing but make me sound crazy. I had read about the evolution of the human world. They no longer worshiped the great Odin as god.

There was no way to explain it. "Thank you for the food. I apologize for not having any money."

"Happy to help."

"I would like to get to a bit more populated of an area. Which way should I travel?"

"The next town's Clarkston, twenty miles east of here," he pointed in the opposite direction of where I came. "It's a bit bigger but not much."

"I see. I shall continue on by foot then. I thank you again for your kind charity. I wish there to be some way to repay you for your good deed. I bid you farewell."

He nodded, glancing between the waitress and I.

* * *

I walked until the sun was setting, then crawled onto a rare patch of tall grass and slept the night through.

I reached the town before midday and was greeted by a sign reading 'Welcome to Clarkson, New Mexico.'

It was quite a bit bigger than the last town, but it was still miniscule in comparison.

_What am I even doing? _It was as if I was attempting to travel somewhere, but I still had hardly any idea where I was. I was not a scholar—I did not study Midgardian geography for fun. The land known as 'New Mexico' meant nothing to me. No battles took place there. There were no temples constructed to honor Odin.

On top of all that, I didn't know the name of a single human being, nor did I have a way to earn currency to make a living for myself. Humans have a reputation for barbarism. How could I possibly lower myself to such a level?

I stumbled into another diner and politely asked to use their washroom. The woman looked a bit annoyed, but allowed it. I drank my fill of water there and washed my face again. I desired to be able to wash my hair, but there was no way to do so. This time, I took more care to wipe the dirt from my dress as well. Then, I continued through back into the desert.

I traveled onward for two more days and nights. Food posed a bit of a problem over my journey. I was lucky when others offered to treat me, but generally there was no one. It was not a long term solution. Eventually, I would need to put faith in someone and settle down. Even after contemplating it for two straight days, the idea was disturbing and difficult.

* * *

On the morning of the third day, I woke up what I imagined was halfway between two towns. I would likely arrive at the outskirts of the next town by noon, at which point I would need to come by some food, or at least some water. I walked for a couple hours, and could just see some of the town's outer buildings when I heard a vehicle come up behind me. I had already grown used to the humans' mode of transportation. They seemed convenient—more so, I imagined, a bit guiltily, than a legion of horses. Most just drove by, but some slowed to a halt and asked me if I wished to be driven to the next town; I always refused. This one seemed to be the later. I turned my head to see a larger black one move by and stop a little ways ahead of me. I slowed down, but didn't stop walking.

Three men got out, all wearing darkened spectacles and suits, even in the hot weather. They were far more clean shaven than those from the towns. One of them removed his spectacles and took a few steps closer.

"Hello, Miss," he said, with a faint smile on his face. "Would you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

It was suspicious. I remained silent, pondering him for a moment. When he took another step towards me I moved _Galdrs _in front of me, hoping to be a bit threatening. To my surprise, he jerked back, as if fearing a great blow.

"You may," I finally allowed.

He visibly relaxed. "According to our sources, you wandered into a town fifty miles west four days ago from the middle of nowhere. Where did you come from?"

"Far away." It was an intentionally stubborn answer. He has obviously been tracking me. I didn't like that.

"Far as in Arizona?" I looked at him, a bit confused. He sighed. "I'll be blunt. Over the past few days, there have been quite a few disturbances in this area. Extraterrestrial disturbances. There have been a lot of strange people walking around and I would venture to guess that you are one of them."

"Strange how?"

He ignored me. "Are you an Asgardian?"

"…Yes."

"I would like you to come with me." I opened my mouth to retort. "Please don't misunderstand me—I am aware that you have enough strength to go on your way. But—and correct me if I'm wrong—you seem to be wandering aimlessly. You don't have anywhere to go, right?"

I nodded curtly. It was immature, but, despite the fact that this man's arrival had given me some resemblance of a purpose, I was angry that he felt he could waltz in and manipulate me.

"Then, please." He gestured to the vehicle. I stepped inside and took a seat on one of the benches. Someone slammed the doors shut behind us and I felt everything jolt as we began to move.

"What shall I call you?"

"Sigyn."

"Agent Phil Coulson," he said, extending his hand. I took it, a bit awkwardly, and we shook hands. "How did you end up here? Thor, apparently, was banished."

_Thor. _He was telling the truth. "Is Thor here?" _Why didn't I think of that before? Oh, please, let him be here._

"No, he returned to Asgard two days ago."

_No. No. _

Coulson was still watching me, waiting for me to answer his question. "I was… left here…"

How did I even begin? He would never understand. He must have sensed my reluctance, because he went on speaking as if he was satisfied with my answer.

"Six days ago, a man and a hammer fell from the sky. The man—Thor—was brought to a local hospital. The hammer became a point of excitement around the area, as no one could lift it. We claimed the area to study it. Thor came to retrieve it, but he was unable to lift it, and we kept him for holding. Apparently he had lost his powers. Thor eventually was allowed to leave. This is, I believe, around the time you arrived, four days ago?"

I nodded.

"Once he was back in town, four more people arrived—three men and a woman."

"Lady Sif and the Warriors Three," I cut in. He pulled out a notepad and wrote that down.

"Shortly after their arrival, a large metal being arrived. It maimed a few of our employees, then continued on to the town."

"The Destroyer."

"The… Destroyer?" I nodded and he wrote that down. "What do you know about it?"

"It is invincible. A servant of the king. There should be no reason for it to attack a town…"

"Thor, at some point, regained his strengths, and the hammer, and defeated it. He and the others said that it was sent by Thor's brother—Loki."

All of my composure left me instantly when I heard his name. I put my head in my hands and the rawness returned. Blood roared in my ears. My arms shook. _How could he? _He would attack his own brother?

_He abandoned you. This is no lower. _

"Then what?" I asked without looking up. I had to know.

Coulson hesitated for a moment, confused by my reaction. "Thor and his friends returned to Asgard, where we can only assume a battle ensued. Our scientists were already studying whatever energy it was that transported Thor and the others, from the signal received when he first arrived. It flickered and disappeared entirely after an hour."

I considered this. He was talking about the energy produced by the Bifrost, but, supposedly, that energy never entirely disappeared. Something wasn't adding up.

"We intercept an encrypted message—directed to a woman Thor befriended while he was here—stating the threat is gone, but the Bifrost had to be destroyed."

_The threat is gone. The threat was Loki. What does that mean?_

"If you don't mind me asking, what is your relationship to Thor and Loki?"

I couldn't tell him. How could I admit that the man that wrecked so much havoc across the area was my fiancé? _He isn't anymore. He made that very clear._

My thoughts were the death of me. Blood drained from my face. I pressed my hand to the bridge of my nose.

"Loki… he left me here." I raised my eyes to watch his reaction. He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again.

"…Why?"

"I am—he is—" I stuttered. "We were betrothed."

After taking a deep breath, I explained in very, _very _little detail what occurred in Asgard while Thor was on Earth, along with what my relationship with Loki was. He took notes, which was intimidating and, quite frankly, annoying. It was like he was studying me.

"So you're Loki's fiancé?" Coulson asked. I felt the vehicle pull to a halt.

I hesitated. "I—I don't think I quite am… anymore…"

He looked a bit awkward, as he stood up.

"What is next for me, then?" To be entirely honest, I was a bit afraid that he would toss me back on the street.

"We could use some help studying Asgard, if you'd be willing."

"I do not have anything better to do, I suppose."

* * *

**A/N **Reviews are appreciated!

Tumblr url: luvkurai


	5. Night: Part 2

**Abandonment**

_**Night**_

Part 2

Months passed by. I did my best to help SHIELD with whatever they needed to know. I told researchers about Asgardian culture and magic, the line of kings and the well-known stories surrounding them, and the different sorts of weapons and fighting techniques.

At the same time, I began to understand Midgardian culture which, in a charming sort of simple way, possessed its own strengths. Though they had no control whatsoever over the magical forces of the universe, they were able to make due without them. It was astounding and inspiring.

I forced myself to wear Midgardian clothes and learn Midgardian terms of speech. I watched popular films and read their classic literature in my spare time. I researched ancient Norse mythology, which was closely based on the struggles of Odin the Allfather and his brethren, as well as other Midgardian religions. Each possessed some degree of truth.

Most of the time that I didn't spend with researchers I spent training with _Galdrs. _I decided it was high time to learn how to use the weapon awarded to me by Odin properly. Thinking about it's name one day, I realized that I should be able to dispel whatever incantation Loki had on me, therefore allowing Heimdall to see me. Though I would still be unable to return to Asgard, due to the destruction of the Bifrost, my friends and family could at least be made aware that I lived. The idea somehow made me disappointed in myself. If I had bothered to learn how to use _Galdrs _before any of this happened, I would have been able to immediately eliminate Loki's spell and Heimdall could have brought me home before the Bifrost was destroyed.

Coulson gave me leave of one of the SHIELD gymnasiums inside their Helicarrier, where I now lived fulltime.

_Galdrs Hapts _was stronger than I, or anyone else, imagined. Not only could the staff withstand any force, therefore making it a useful weapon in close combat, but it could create a shield that was expandable infinitely, should I posses the energy to do so. I could successfully halt bullets and other sorts of projectile.

Though _Galdrs' _namesake was Fetter of _Incantation, _it could also stop machinery, finding the weak points in any car or plane.

* * *

"Sigyn," Coulson's voice came one day, when I was working in my private gym. I had been on Midgard for five months. "This is Natasha Romanov. Black Widow."

I put on as much of a happy face I could muster and shook her hand, turning away again instantly.

"So you're Loki's fiancé." Her voice stung my ears and I shot an angry look at Coulson.

"_EX-_fiancé!" I snarled, more angry at Coulson for telling her than for her mentioning it.

"Woah, alright, my apologies," Natasha said, her palms in the air.

"Natasha wanted to see what you can do," Coulson went on, ignoring my anger.

"Why?"

Natasha shrugged, but I saw both her and Coulson look past me to a window above the gymnasium. A man with dark skin and a black piece over his eyes looked down.

"Who's that?" I asked, turning to Coulson.

"Nick Fury. He's the head of SHIELD."

"Coulson. What is happening? Why are you here?"

"Just practice as you usually do. We'll talk afterwards."

I watched as Natasha and Coulson walked out the door to go stand in the window with Fury.

_Well, this is interesting… _And not in a good way.

I gestured to the man waiting with a sword. He was some sort of master from an eastern Midgardian nation called China. He worked for SHIELD, for whatever reason. I really just wanted to be better at close combat, but somehow it felt like I needed to show _Galdrs' _strengths.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Fury turning away. As the man's sword came down on _Galdrs, _I instinctively warped the energy to send him flying backwards.

Fury turned back around.

…_Did I just show off? _I surprised myself a bit.

I decided to switch to projectile weapons.

* * *

An hour and a half later, I decided to call it quits. I was drenched in sweat and wanted to curl up and re-watch the _Kill Bill _movies, which were quickly becoming my favorite films.

"That was impressive," a voice said from behind me. I turned to see Nick Fury, with Coulson and Natasha standing nearby. He extended his hand for me to shake. He didn't smile, so neither did I. I shrugged in response.

"I'll get to the point—would you be able to act on a battlefield?"

His bluntness made me flinch. "I think there has been a misunderstanding. I am not a warrior."

"From what I just saw, I'd have to disagree." His gaze was a little intimidating.

"Sir, with all due respect, I just want to understand how _Galdrs Hapts _works. I have no desire to prove myself on the battlefield. Where I come from, that is a man's job."

"Things are a little different here."

"I've noticed." None of the three of them laughed at my sarcasm. "What, exactly, are you asking me to do?"

"Nothing, yet," he said flatly. "But should something come up, I'd like to have you on our side."

"I hardly think I possess the strength to make any difference."

"That's my call."

_What is he seeing in me?_

"I will consider it…" I finally gave in, with a sigh.

"Please do. Coulson. Walk with me." The two of them brushed past me. Natasha remained behind, surveying me with a mildly interested gaze.

_Right… _Kill Bill _then… _I walked past Natasha to return to my quarters.

"You know…" Her voice stopped me in my tracks. I turned back to look at her. "When Coulson told me that Loki's girlfriend—sorry_, ex_-girlfriend—was helping SHIELD out, I was a bit suspicious."

She took a couple steps towards me. "So I'll just ask you, flat-out: why are you here?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Where else am I supposed to go?"

"No, you misunderstood me. Why are you on Midgard? What did you do to _piss off _Loki to the point that he—"

"Stop!" I cut her off, holding up _Galdrs. _"No. I choose not to think about this for a reason. I will _not _be subjugated for further questioning by the likes of you."

"It's just a question. It's been a few months. You should be over it—"

I was shouting. "It is not that simple when you have been in love with someone for _HUNDREDS OF YEARS!"_

I angrily turned on my heel and returned to my quarters. I slammed the door shut, too angry to watch a movie, and pounded my mattress with _Galdrs _for a good twenty minutes.

_She doesn't understand. _How could she? She was a simple-minded, barbaric human. As I calmed myself down, the anger disappeared, only to be replaced by quickly growing grief.

_Loki…_

He was gone, possibly dead. The bit of contact SHIELD had managed with Asgard revealed that Loki had fallen off the bridge during the collapse of the Bifrost. He could be anywhere over the complete expanse of the universe.

But he was not with me, and that was all that really mattered.

* * *

**A/N **Sorry about the teeny-tiny filler chapter. Stuff gets intense next chapter. XOXO


	6. Night: Part 3

**WARNING: **This chapter contains rape and abuse.

**Abandonment**

_**Night**_

Part 3

"Sigyn—you have a call. Agent Coulson is on the line." I took the phone from him. I had been on Midgard for nearly a year.

"Yes?"

"_Sigyn!_" Coulson barked into the phone.

"Agent Coulson, I was just—"

"_Sigyn, it's Loki."_

My heart stopped. I dropped to my knees in simple preparation for whatever I was about to hear. "What about him…?"

"_He conjured some sort of portal into our research facility and stole the Tesseract. We are currently unaware of his whereabouts. Fury called in a Level 7."_

"How?" Suddenly, I was very angry. "Did you not use any sort of protection? You had the Tesseract and you just—"

"_Prior to its theft, the Tesseract was giving off dangerously high levels of energy. We ordered an evacuation, meaning we were low on security. There was no way to see it coming."_

I let out a soft groan, dropping the phone from my ear for a moment. Coulson had briefed me a bit on what they were using the Tesseract for, and I had given some input from what I knew of it, but they didn't really share much information with me. I knew the situation was serious—especially if Fury was declaring war—but all I could think about was that Loki was alive. Alive and somewhere on Midgard. I didn't know what it meant for me.

I felt selfish.

_Concentrate. _

"So… What do you need from me?"

"_I'm bringing in Stark. Natasha's getting Banner and Fury is speaking with Rogers. Barton and Selvig were taken by Loki. We need to be ready for anything. Can you fight?"_

"Oh… I do not know… _Galdrs _ is still teaching me its strengths_._ I doubt I will be of use to you…"

"_Double your training time. Replace your time with the researchers with time in the gym. With Thor gone, we'll need all the help we can get."_

I didn't reply, allowing an awkward silence to hang over the phone line. I hoped he would understand the meaning behind it.

"_We can try to make sure you don't come face to face with Loki, but depending on what goes down, it may be necessary."_

"He will crush me like a bug," I whispered back.

"_If you don't try, we'll all be crushed like bugs." _He disconnected and I handed the phone back to the SHIELD officer.

* * *

After practicing for another three hours straight, I decided to go back to my quarters and read a book on Norse mythology. Half of it was ridiculous, but the other half gave me insight into the workings of Asgard. So far, _Galdrs Hapts _had been mentioned exactly five times. Two times the book gave me ideas for practicing.

When I picked up the book, I paused, frowning for a moment. Selvig gave it to me, months ago, when we first met to discuss the Tesseract. I shook my head, not wanting to allow my mind to drift to dark places, and laid down on my bed, already in my night clothes. I cracked the book open to where I turned the page down and started reading.

* * *

What felt like only a moment later, I awoke with a start to the sound of a click beside me. Looking around wildly, I saw nothing in the room. _I fell asleep… _The book laid awkwardly on my chest, so I moved it to my bedside table and turned over to rest for a bit longer. The clock said it was a bit past midnight.

As my eyes closed, I heard the sound again. The moment my eyes opened, I felt my body lift into the air, only to crash against the wall on the other side of the room. I cried out in pain, and tried to turn to see who my attacker was. Something—a hand—placed pressure on my back, keeping me pinned painfully to wall so that I could not turn my head. I bucked against the metal to wriggle out of the stony grip, to no avail.

"Hello, Sigyn."

I froze.

_Loki. _

A vibration moved through his arm and into my back as he chuckled.

"So…I leave you alone for a little while and you decide to help my enemies. That's not very loyal, now _is it?_" To emphasize the last two words he shoved me harder into the wall.

_No. No. This is not happening. _I would wake up at any moment. It was just a terrible, terrible nightmare.

_But I have not dreamed since he left me here. _

"Loki…?"

"_Answer_ my question."

"I don't—how are you here? This is a SHIELD—" I stopped speaking as he seized me by the roots of my hair and threw me to the floor before him. He didn't release his grip on my head. I struggled against his hand—not to free myself, but to look at him. I desperately wanted to look at him, but I inferred that he wouldn't let me move until I gave a yes or no answer. Tears sprung to my eyes. The nerves of my scalp were on fire.

"_No…" _I sobbed. He loosened his grip and slid his fingers out of my hair. Cradling my aching head in my hands, I finally looked up at him.

His hair was longer. That was the most noticeable difference. His eyes were stonier and he looked physically and mentally exhausted. He had gone through a lot since we last met. Absently, I wondered if he was observing the same changes in me. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to make sure he was really and truly standing in front of me.

Then, he kicked me in the stomach. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding in a rush, coughing as I pressed my forehead to the concrete flood.

"_Get up,_ you worthless whore. _STAND!_" Not wanting to be harmed any further, I scrambled to my feet. As my back straightened, his hand shot up to grip my chin. Our eyes met, and he held my gaze. He moved his lips closer to my face and I could feel his steady breath on my cheek.

"You knew I was on Midgard?" He asked quietly. I nodded. "And you knew I stole the Tesseract from SHIELD?"

I nodded again, worrying where this was going.

"Tell me—did you intend to meet me in combat?"

_How does he _still _know everything about me? _But how could I possibly answer that? It was not as if I begged Coulson to do so, nor was it set in stone that I actually would fight against Loki.

"Yes. I think you did." His words seemed flat, as if he was considering this fact.

I spoke in the silence following his statement. "You—you left me here." My voice sounded terribly uneven.

"I did." His response possessed a challenging air, awakening anger inside me.

"I told you that I _loved you_," I said, voice strengthening. "And you left me to _ROT_!"

"Not to rot." He was smiling. No—sneering. "It was more of a… _time-out." _

"I could have _died._" He snorted.

"Please, spare me from your incessant _whining_. Are you an Asgardian or not? And look at yourself—you seem perfectly well."

"No thanks to _you._"

His smile turned a touch crueler. "My apologies, I was unaware that you require babysitting."

"Shut up!" The Midgardian words rolled out of my mouth easily after a year of hearing them. He looked amusedly taken aback and, for a single moment, I saw the mischievous Loki. It took my breath away.

"Loki." As his name formed on my lips. something shifted. It felt more personal. "You left me and SHIELD helped me. They gave me a _home _over the past year—one to replace the one that you took from me. I owe them everything."

He looked bored. "That is all very well, but now you shall return your allegiances to me."

My answer came slowly. "I will not."

His eyebrows shot up and when he spoke his voice was lower. "Pardon me?"

"I will remain here and help SHIELD." Somehow my voice continued to stay strong. "And you will return the Tesseract to them. They have need it."

For a moment, he showed no reaction. He just fixed me with a stare, as if expecting me to go on speaking. Then, in a flash, he shoved me across the room. I slammed against the table and crumpled to the floor in a heap.

"You think you have a say?" He snarled. He took two long strides to stand over me. The words 'power play' flitted across my mind, absently. His hand closed around my neck. "You may not have _ever _understood what it meant to be betrothed to someone, being the _child_ that you are, but I am telling you now… _HEAR ME!_"

He paused for effect as his grip tightened on my neck. "I. _Own._ You. And there is _nothing _that will ever change that."

Pulling me to my feet, he forced me to look him in the eye. "_You are mine._ Do you _understand_?"

In light of the fact that I was essentially powerless against him, I spat in his face. In response, he pinned me to the table and slapped me across the face—once, twice. I screamed.

"I sound proofed the room, _darling_," He whispered, laughing, a grin on his face.

_So beautiful… _After everything, how could I possibly still think that? Fingers weaving themselves roughly into my hair again, he dragged me to the bed and pinned me down, by my neck, with his left hand. I slapped at his arm, but his grip only tightened, making me halt in fear.

With his free hand, he removed the pieces of cloth and metal that covered his body, allowing them to clang unceremoniously to the floor.

"_Stop it!" _I screamed, because I really and truly did not want him to touch me. "No! Get—away… from—"

He crushed his lips against mine, moving his tongue through my open lips in one movement. I thought to bite him, but the moment the thought crossed my mind, he bit into my bottom lip, allowing gushing blood to mingle between us and dribble onto my chin. He stopped undressing himself to undress me instead. Despite my struggling he quickly had my shirt off, as well as the loose pants I wore beneath it. He took a bare breast in his hand, pushing and shoving into it with his palm.

When one of my hands slammed into his face, he took both my wrists and pinned them above me. He separated his lips from mine.

"I suppose restraining will be necessary…" And when he moved his hand away from mine, my wrists were bound to the headboard of my bed by some sort of magic. I struggled uselessly, whimpering as I strained against whatever it was.

He laughed, then moved his lips past my face to my breasts. At first, his lips and tongues enveloped my nipple, sucking. It was somewhat pleasant. Then, in a brutal change of pace, he bit down, simultaneously scratching his nails down my back. I yelled out nonsensical syllables. I needed help. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw _Galdrs_, leaning against the wall.

_If only—_If only what? Having _Galdrs _would be no help against Loki. He was stronger than I. He always was and always would be. He was a warrior, and I was lady. It was not supposed to be necessary for me to defend myself against him.

_We should be married by now. _The thought sent a jolt to my heart and to my stomach. I let out a dry sob.

He continued to abuse my breasts. The contrast from the last time—the only time—was day and night. I felt that he was rough then, but now was a completely different level.

_Rape. _No.

As if to prove the voice in my head right, he shoved my face sideways, into the pillow, to devour my neck.  
"Loki…please…_no…" _I begged. "_Stop!_"

"Silence! I shall _do with you _as I _please!_" He snarled in return, quieting me. Without waiting another moment, he removed the rest of his clothes as well as my underwear. He palmed his erection for a moment, looking at me through narrowed, angry eyes. His hips dipped down to meet mine. The hardened penis ground against my thighs and my slit. I let out a small, scared sound that reminded me of an abused animal.

In one movement, he sheathed himself inside me, all the way, so our hips pressed together fully.

Pain. It was only my second time and he had not bothered to make it less agonizing in the slightest. It felt as if he was ripping me in half. I couldn't take it. I screamed. I screamed _loud _and desperately, hoping and yearning for someone outside the room to hear and come to my aid.

_How ironic. _I was in the fortress of the organization that essentially served as monument to Midgardian strength and no one could help me. The SHIELD Helicarrier should be the safest place on the planet, but I was in more danger inside my room than I would be in any other place in the wide universe.

He was laughing again. "Isn't this how you like it? _Rough? _Last time you were more than willing…"

Between silent sobs, I managed to hiss, "_Last time was different." _

"Hm… Yes… But I think I like you better this way…" To accentuate his words he slammed into me. I felt bruises forming everywhere.

I was broken bones and disintegrating flesh and _pain_ and deep inside my mind I _hated _SHIELD and Coulson and Fury with all my heart because I _told them_ that this would happen. I told them I was not strong enough. But they refused to listen.

He pulled all the way out of me and released the binding magic on my hands to flip me onto my stomach. I could fight back. But I didn't, because I had already lost.

He pulled my hips up so that my lower body was propped on my knees and my bottom was high in the air. He entered me from behind and resumed pounding.

"Has anyone ever told you that you squeal like a pig during sex?"

"Who—_agh_…who would have told me that but you?" I shot back. I tried to sound brave but failed miserably as the words became gnarled and bent with my sobs. "You are the only—"

"Do you really expect me to believe that? That you did not turn from me to indulge in your damnable harlot ways the moment the option presented itself?"

He turned me over to backhand me and I was unable to reply because his words _hurt _and his actions _hurt_. I was unsure which hurt more. He kissed me again, grinding his teeth against mine to give his tongue better access. His weight shifted to one hand and he moved the other to my thighs. His index finger plunged to my clitoris. I moaned. The pain melded with searing hot pleasure. I struggled against him again because despite how good it felt I did not want to orgasm as he raped me. His grip only strengthened and in a matter of seconds he had me quivering and mewling into him.

"_Please, please, please_," I whispered, as quietly as I could. I did not wish the pleas to reach his ears. Our bodies rumbled as a laugh formed, low in his throat.

"I want to _hear_ you _beg_, Sigyn." My name on his lips was all it took.

"_Oh_, Loki, Loki, _please_, let me—"

"Tell me you love me."

"I _love you_!" And in that moment, as in every moment of my existence, it was true. I loved him.

His fingers quickened as did his thrusts and I came undone. Everything—pain, pleasure, love, hate, Asgard, Midgard—became unknown to me as I screamed his name to no one but him and_ Galdrs_.

* * *

When I began to fade back into existence, I was on my side with my face pressed into Loki's chest. He felt me stir and pulled back from me slightly. I refused to look at his face. I did not wish to know what sort of cruel sneer or smirk it was painted with. But I did not have a choice; he gripped my chin and made our eyes meet. He was not smiling—that was one small mercy, I supposed. His face was stony and emotionless once more.

His eyes flicked away from mine to the far side of the room, where _Galdrs Hapts _still leaned, useless, against the wall.

"Bring me your staff," he said, sending a sting through my heart. He sounded so sure that I would do as he said. _Does he have a reason to not be sure? _He moved his hands away from my side and pushed me towards the edge of the mattress, nearly making me fall off.

I stepped off the bed and took a few steps towards the wall, only to have my wobbly legs give out. My knees banged painfully against the cement as I tumbled to the floor. He laughed behind me. My face burned with silent shame. I felt humiliated; I felt used.

Somehow I managed to stand and retrieve _Galdrs _before returning to the bed. Loki spread himself out, leaving no room for me to lay down with him again. He made no move to make space for me, so I stood by as he inspected _Galdrs Hapts. _

"You have been practicing." It was not a question, but I nodded nevertheless. "What can it do?"

"It is indestructible. It can form a shield…" I listed off some of the basic uses I knew of.

He let out a single, loud laugh. I jumped. "So it is, essentially, useless in battle?"

I made no move to respond, but he did not wish me to. He dropped it to the floor beside me, standing. He began putting his clothes on.

"Will you take me with you?" It was a question, but the pleading tone of it was obvious. I disgusted myself.

"Hm… no, I think not. You will be of more use to me here, perhaps, observing my enemies."

I couldn't respond, so I just gave a subtle nod.

"Await a message from me," he said with a smirk. Then, without saying goodbye, or even touching me with some small amount of affection, he was gone.

I pressed _Galdrs _to my temple, willing its energy to move into me.

It didn't come. I threw _Galdrs _across the room, feeling betrayed by what had been thus far my only ally.

I turned into the pillow of my bed as sobs racked through me again.

_**End of Night**_

* * *

**A/N **Longest chapter yet, to make up for the last one being tiny.

This was a hard chapter to write, so I'm hoping it is well-received (or at least as well-received as non-con can be). Definitely a downer...


	7. Dawn: Part 1

**A/N: **Apologies if the last chapter offended anyone. Also, sorry there wasn't originally a warning. It is fixed now.

* * *

**Abandonment**

_**Dawn**_

Part 1

When I was young, my mother told me that the one true strength of a woman is her ability to endure; to endure in the face of everything—suffering, betrayal, anger, destruction. She told me, in place of a bedtime story, to my dismay, more than once, that since the beginning of time women have triumphed simply through their endurance. No matter what men did.

Is that what I was always meant for? Between my father's conscious decision to sacrifice me for the sake of Asgard and my mother's lecturing about endurance and loyalty, perhaps I was always meant to submit to Loki. I certainly did not posses the strength to do otherwise.

_Look at me. _

For twelve months, I worked alongside Loki's enemies. For twelve months, I attempted to create a new life for myself. In all honesty, I was beginning to enjoy myself. I enjoyed Midgard. I missed my friends and my family, true, but I felt, for the first time, that I could handle myself. It was liberating.

Then Loki returned. His presence was devastating and all-halting. I felt raw and empty—drained of any real emotion.

The morning subsequent to his assault on my body and soul, I laid on my mattress until the sun was high in the sky. Then, I rolled out of bed and forced myself to put on a mask of normalcy. I dressed, even though the fabric felt like pins and needles against my skin. I ate, even though every morsel of food brought on an attack of nausea. I exercised, even though each movement sent shocks of agony through my veins. I trained with _Galdrs Hapts,_ even though the staff refused to provide me with as much as an ounce of magical energy.

It was frustrating—unbearably so. Nothing was working. Barriers would not form, meaning that every time someone shot a bullet at me, it hit dead on. As an Asgardian, I was impervious to bullets, but it still hurt. Eventually, my endurance cracked and I screamed at the trainer to get out. He was noticeably annoyed and angry, but he left nevertheless. The moment I was alone, I threw _Galdrs _against the floor.

I needed to relax and think things through. I needed to sleep, but I could not return to my room. I avoided it all day long because I did not want to see the proof of the events from the night before. Kneeling on the floor, I placed my head in my hands. I sat like that for ages, trying to meditate, somehow, without the help of _Galdrs. _It proved impossible.

"Are you okay?" Natasha's voice surprised me and I flinched into a standing position. Unfortunately, my legs were stiff and I swiftly tripped over myself, falling back to the cement floor. Pain shot up through my knees. I sat, cringing, on the floor, not wanting to look up at Natasha. Our last conversation had not exactly ended on good terms. When I finally did, she looked concerned.

"I am well, thank you," I replied sullenly. I needed to be alone.

She cocked her head at me.

"Do you need something?" I asked. She wanted to say something, but seemed to be struggling with finding the correct means to do so.

"I… I've been thinking… about what I said to you…" She paused. "And I believe I owe you an apology."

"For what, may I ask?"

"I was out of line, asking you about Loki. You didn't choose to be left here so I was wrong to judge you for it."

Her words sent an aching pain through my gut.

"I heard you were having some issues with _Galdrs._" I nodded. "Coulson told me that you agreed to help us in the fight against Loki, last night. Do you think it is something to do with that?"

_Of course it is._ "I…imagine so…" I allowed, slowly. She moved to sit cross-legged across from me.

"Can I give you some advice?" I felt choked, so I just nodded again. When she spoke again, it was slowly, with careful emphasis on each word. "It is not your fault. Nothing that Loki does, or will do, is your fault. He broke all ties with you the moment he left you here. Nothing he does will ever change that."

I must have looked confused, because she felt the need to elaborate further. "From personal experience, I know that you may feel that you owe him something. You said that you've loved him for hundreds of years. It would be impossible for you not to have _considered _going to him."

I opened my mouth, but she cut me off. "Don't say anything—you are still here. I don't need you to explain yourself. If you went to him, it would eliminate all the pain and fear that you've felt over the last year."

My fingers shook terribly, so I clenched them together.

"You _can't _do that, Sigyn. You can't because the last year of pain made you stronger. Going to Loki would just make you the weak, Asgardian girl that you were before."

Her words should have stung, but they did not, because they were true. I was useless before, but now I had force.

"Regardless of what he does, your action needs to be for yourself. I'm not sure what that is, be it fight with us or stand on the sidelines quietly, but I know it isn't to go running back to him like a beaten dog."

She stopped speaking and waited for me to respond.

What could I say? I felt put on the spot. She had no idea about Loki's visit, yet her words rang with truth as if she did. Honestly, I had yet to address the real problem—Loki's command that I spy on SHIELD. The night before, I accepted without hesitation. That was in a moment of weakness. Now, I felt fiercer, as if the haze had cleared.

I cared about SHIELD and, in turn, I cared about Midgard. I did not want Loki to conquer it. I felt an affection for the place that had grown over the past year, and was now enflamed by Natasha's words. I was Midgard's child, and it mine. It would protect me, so I would protect it.

Loki would never understand that. Years ago, I may have assumed that should I go to him with such a dilemma, he would see reason. Now, I knew better. Loki was head-strong, malicious and cruel. He would not bow to any whim but his own.

Should I approach Loki with hopes of swaying him, he would either kill me or use whatever new power he possessed to turn me to his side—as with Barton and Dr. Selvig. That could not happen. SHIELD needed me.

Still, I also could not tell SHIELD that Loki managed to break through their defenses. Should I do so, they would immediately question why I did not go forward—as well as the true levels of my strength. My wishes had shifted. I no longer wished to passively watch as battles ensued before me, as was the way of Asgardian women. I wanted to fight, and I wanted to win.

Finally, I laughed. "Did Coulson send you to make sure I had no plans to defect?"

She froze, then laughed as well. "No. Fury. But everything I said was true, and I would have said it regardless."

I smiled. I trusted her. "Coulson said Barton was compromised…"

"Yes…Loki had some sort of spear that put Clint under his control."

"I apologize. I will hope for his recovery."

She nodded and strode towards the door.

"Natasha!" I yelled, making her stop. "Thank you. You may tell Fury that I am not going anywhere."

* * *

**A/N **This chapter is tiny. But the next one is HUGE. Seriously, huge. I probably should have split it into two, or put some of it in this chapter, but I didn't feel like it. Thanks for all the kind reviews! xoxo


	8. Dawn: Part 2

**Abandonment**

_**Dawn **_

Part 2

"_Sigyn! You listening?"_

"I hear you," I responded, motioning for the SHIELD member to stop shooting bullets at me. I was in the middle of a warm-up. It was Agent Maria Hill, a stony-faced woman that I neither liked nor disliked, speaking into the ear piece. I had spent the previous two days training every moment possible. _Galdrs_' strength grew rapidly to even stronger than before.

"_We know where Loki is. Natasha and Rogers are going to pick him up. You should go."_

"No," I responded, a bit too vehemently.

"_They could use your help!_" She continued, appalled that I was refusing to help. "_Loki is unpredictable. You know how he operates—"_

"I do _not _know how he operates."

Natasha came on the line. "_We'll be fine. We're taking a fighter with built-in artilleries. Best available."_

I let out the air I had been holding inside me. Natasha had come to my rescue for the second time. _Narrowly dodged that bullet. _

I motioned to the man waiting with a gun. _Time to dodge a few more._

* * *

Four hours later, the intercoms all over the Helicarrier blared, "_ATTENTION TO ALL OPERATIVES. WAR CRIMINAL LOKI IS CURRENTLY BEING BROUGHT INTO SHIELD CUSTODY. IMPLEMENT ALL SECURITY CAUTIONS. AVAILABLE GUARDS PLEASE MEET IN THE CONTROL ROOM FOR ORDERS." _

I was already sitting in a far corner of the control room, so I stood by to watch the havoc until someone gave me specific orders to do otherwise. I felt my heartbeat steadily increase over the twenty minutes until their arrival.

When the plane landed, everything became very quiet. Everyone, including myself, glued their eyes to their individual monitors, waiting for something to go wrong, it seemed. For a moment I wondered if they were mistaken, or if I had misunderstood.

Then, I saw him. My sense of being fell away. Emotions swept across me. I slammed myself against the desk closest to the screen in order to have a closer look.

Unbearable fear. It was like nothing I had ever felt before—it was fear, not of what _was _happening, but of what _could _happen. My pulse elevated to a rate high to the point that I could feel the vibrations reverberating through my skull.

"Loki…" I murmured, so quietly that no one else could hear.

"Sigyn?" Someone asked. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head and slid to the floor. A small part of me recognized that I was making a scene, and that I should not allow myself to appear weak before members SHIELD—many of whom depended on me to save them, should the time come—but that part was silenced by the sound of blood roaring in my ears.

Panic. I was panicking. Loki had been caught. The last time I had seen him he raped me before trying to force me into spying on SHIELD. Would he be tortured? What could I do to help him?

_No. He abandoned you. He raped you. You don't owe him anything_.

But it wasn't a question of what may or may not have been 'owed' to him. I decided that I would neither obey him nor alert SHIELD that he somehow managed to enter the headquarters. What if he told SHIELD that? What if he claimed me to be his spy? What if he called for me?

I forced myself into the beginning stages of a meditation, despite the fact that I was in the control room.

"Sigyn," Coulson said. "I think there's someone here you should see."

"I don't want to talk to Loki!" I snapped, more defensive than was probably necessary. It likely came off as a bit suspicious.

He gave a nervous chuckle and I realized I was holding _Galdrs Hapts_ threateningly. "Er…not Loki. Someone else…"

* * *

"_Thor…_" I whispered. I was on the verge of tears. The last time I had seen him was the moment in which the Frost Giant's interrupted his coronation. Apparently, he had grown emotionally since then.

"Sigyn?" He shouted. Approaching me quickly, he pulled me into a hug. "What—how are you…here?"

I shook my head back and forth, unable to speak.

"We… everyone thought you were dead… How did you come to be on Midgard?"

I swallowed the knot in my throat and forced myself to speak. "Loki… left me here. He cast a spell on me so Heimdall couldn't see me… Then the Bifrost was destroyed."

"She's been helping us study Asgard," Coulson offered, trying to break the tension. It did no such thing.

"You were left before the Bifrost was destroyed? We were here at the same time! Why didn't you—"

"I didn't know where I was and I… I was a bit of a mess…"

Thor knew how I once felt towards Loki. He would understand. He pulled me into an uncomfortable hug again.

We spent some time speaking of the happenings in Asgard over the past year. Things were a bit difficult, with the lack of the Bifrost. A large amount of magic had to be used to transport anywhere, let alone to Midgard. Thor believed his father was likely forced back into the Odinsleep to recuperate after transferring him here. There was no contact with them now, but Heimdall could hear them.

"Heimdall! He'll see me!" I exclaimed. "He'll see you speaking with me! He'll tell everyone I'm alive!"

Thor nodded, a light smile on his face. "And you can return with me. You can come home, Sigyn."

The notion sent a surprisingly sharp pain through me. _Home. Home is Asgard. _But was it?

"So…The Asgardians reunite," Stark drawled, interrupting my train of thought. I ignored him, but Thor shot him an angry look. I looked at Coulson.

"Do you need me for anything?"

"No… You can train if you want." I nodded and, with a parting wave to Thor, went back to the gym. I practiced for a bit, then opted for a nap in my own quarters, all the while pushing unsettling thoughts to the back of my mind.

* * *

Early in the morning, all hell broke loose. An explosion disabled one of the engines keeping the SHIELD headquarters in the air. I somehow made it to the control room in time to extend a force field protecting a group of SHIELD members. They nodded at me in thanks and I managed to leave the room and stop a couple of the infiltrators by shooting their bullets back at them, using _Galdrs _to reflect them. I then struck them down, knocking them out for good measure.

"_Is anyone watching Loki?"_ The voice in my ear said, making me stop short.

_What should I do? _Did they need me to stop Loki from escaping? _Could I?_

I opted to move up to the flight deck instead, as more enemy planes were landing and I wanted to prevent them from entering the control room.

Everything was happening too quickly, and I felt as if I moved in slow motion. The screaming in my ear wasn't helping. I yanked it out and shoved it into my pocket.

I was immediately glad to have chosen the launch pad as my position. Enemy jets soared around the Helicarrier, shooting at random. I could be of use—using _Galdrs _as both a force field and an implement to find the weak spots on the planes and point them out to SHIELD members standing beside me. The battle oscillated continuously between being in our favor and theirs. When the headquarters jolted every now and then it threw us off, giving the enemy a temporary advantage.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Loki appear in the doorway, just as an enemy plane landed before I could destroy it.

Our eyes met for an instant. He smirked at me, giving me a curt nod, pretending to be pleased to see me. I glared back, making myself very clear.

_I am not your puppet. _

_I am not your spy. _

_I am not yours. _

He raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes—in a fake, mocking way—showing me that he didn't take me seriously, telling me that it didn't matter what I did. He was free; he was winning this battle; he would win the war; he would conquer Midgard, and when all was said and done, he would punish me for my impudence.

Then, simultaneously, we broke eye contact. I shielded a group of men from an explosion and he boarded his jet, disappearing from sight.

Once he was gone, the battle drew to a close. They hit us where it hurt, but ultimately we kept the Helicarrier in the sky.

I put the communicator back in my ear just in time to hear Fury's voice.

"_Agent Coulson is down."_ The words froze me in my tracks. There was a small exchange between the others on the line—but the message was immediately clear.

_Coulson. Phil Coulson. _When I was alone, he gave me a reason to live on. He gave me a place to substitute for the home lost. He made me useful. My eyes began to sting with tears, but I pushed them back. I slid down the wall I leaned against.

_Loki. _The tears turned to anger instantly. Loki did it. It had to be Loki.

Over the line, I heard our standing. SHIELD was no longer in danger of falling from the sky. However, Thor was gone and Banner had fallen to earth as the Hulk. Natasha seemed to be gaining a hold on Hawkeye.

Fury wanted to talk to everyone, but I refused, opting instead to sulk on the flight deck, legs dangling off, making me feel as if I could fall at any moment. Somehow it was relaxing, being unaware of everything other than the possibility of my death.

_Would I even die? _I was long disconnected from my Asgardian assumptions. There, the belief was that despite what may occur, one would live on, through eternity. But on Midgard, things were different. Humans lived for the sake of the day—for the sake of their short term, because their lives were short term. I felt the implications of this as the past year felt as if it encompassed my entire existence. Thor's arrival made it very, very clear that I had lost whatever it was that made me—my soul—Asgardian.

The Captain may have been a man out of time, but I was a woman out of place.

* * *

Three hours later, I sat in a jet with Natasha, Rogers and Barton, who had been recovered thanks to Natasha. Despite my best efforts to relax, my heart raced as New York City loomed closer and closer. Natasha was subtly preoccupied with Barton, not that the man himself seemed to notice, so she offered no possibility for conversation to escape the horrors of my mind.

"_My apologies, I was unaware that you require babysitting." _

The memory of Loki's words sent a painful jolt through my stomach, but it was sobering. It awakened an anger inside me that would, I was sure, prove to be useful in the coming battle.

As the plane finally began to weave between the buildings of the city, Stark's voice rang in all of our earpieces. Things were getting worse by the second. Citizens were endangered by Loki's army of Chitauri—creatures that even I knew nothing of. The army's tanks rolled over the cement streets, but proved to be fundamentally useless. It was the Avengers, as we seemed to be known, against them all. My comrades were disconcertingly excited at the prospect of this.

Thor arrived shortly after Stark did, as did Banner who, in light of the situation, decided to readjust his position on using the Hulk.

Again, the fight oscillated in and out of our favor, often spinning out of control in what seemed like a terrifying closure to the freedom of Midgard, but ultimately ended with us as the victors.

By the time I arrived at the top of Stark Tower, after the battle, Loki had begun to pull himself to his feet from the crevice the Hulk made in the cement floor. Somehow, I beat the others there.

"Well," Loki said, looking at me with a smirk. "I know when I have been beat. I'll be going."

"No."

He laughed. "And I suppose you'll stop me? I don't think so."

He took another step forward; my staff shot up, threateningly. For a moment, he eyed my weapon. Then, his eyes shot up to mine. Though he could walk, the battle obviously took a toll on him. There were a few cuts on his face and he seemed to be limping a bit. Still, despite all that had happened, I could still see the remnants of the Loki I knew. Maybe he was somewhere inside all that anger.

He laughed again. "Sigyn. Lower your—"

I chose this moment to strike, turning on my heel to catch his foot and send him to the floor. He stumbled, but didn't fall—until I used my staff to push him backwards. He fell, then didn't move. When I leaned forward to lightly poke him in the chest, it went straight through him.

_A double…!_

I turned quickly, but it was too late, Loki's hand was clasped around my neck.

"You, of all people, should know and understand the full scope of my powers. I'm a _god, _Sigyn," he reminded me. As if he needed to. "Still…It disappoints me that you take for granted our shared past. I am confident we can work something out. Shall we have a long talk about boundaries?"

I kneed him in the stomach and managed to twist out of his grip. "I do not wish to speak with you, Loki."

"What _do _you wish to do, pray tell? I could think of a couple things…" He reached for my face and I swatted his hand away with my staff.

"Do not touch me," I snarled. When he tried to act as if everything was fine, something within me clicked.

Suddenly, his arm shot out, knocking _Galdrs _from my hand. I moved to snatch it back up, but he grabbed my upper arm and slammed me into the floor before I could even move. Pain shot up from my knees.

"Why don't you _sit down_…" His knee banged into my ribs, partially fracturing one. "And _wait, _while I finish this. I shall deal with you once Midgard is mine to rule."

His arms pressed me further into the cement and his thumb brushed over the base of my neck.

I wanted to destroy him. I was a warrior, and for the first time that day, I not only acted like one, I felt like one. Inexplicably, _Galdrs _landed in my hand once more, as if magically drawn there by my anger. Dispatching as much energy as I could muster, I sent Loki flying across the room. I quickly jumped to my feet. He managed to land on his feet, and flung himself back towards me.

The two of us moved around each other slowly. His raw strength was difficult to battle against, but due to his recent experience with the Hulk, I possessed an advantage. Furthermore, it was obvious that he didn't want to severely hurt me by the fact that all of his attacks aimed to restrain movement or knock me over—he didn't aim for any vital points. He fought as if it was still a game. I, on the other hand, fought in a more forward fashion. When he gave me an opening, I took it without hesitation. I would maim him. I would destroy him.

Luck was on my side. I struck, one—two—_three _times. For a second that went on for eternity, he just stood there, as if everything was going his way.

Then, he collapsed. First, to his knees. He looked up at me with an expression of disturbing shock. His torso tumbled, so his palms had to support him on the cement. Still, he kept his face upturned towards me. Disbelief slowly turned to anger.

"You think this means _anything_?" He screamed. "You think I could not turn you to _ash_ if I so wished it?"

I felt my face twist in rage. Using the butt of my staff I turned his chin up so I could see better.

"Tell me, _darling_," I snarled. "Which of us is prostrate on the earth?"

Shifting my weight slightly, I slammed the staff against his head, causing him to tumble to the earth. Prepared to strike again, I rose my weapon into the air—but a strong hand caught it.

"Enough," Thor's voice came. He pushed the staff a bit so I was forced to step away from Loki. "Leave him to me."

"I have claim to his punishment!" I cried in protest. Someone placed a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around to see Stark.

"Babe, I think we all do at this point."

The others stood around Loki as I stepped away.  
"If it's all the same to you… I'll have that drink now…"

Thor lifted his younger brother up off the shattered pavement just as he drifted into unconsciousness.

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**A/N **I've been getting nice feedback. Thanks so much~ Next chapter probably won't be up until late next week.


	9. Dawn: Part 3

**Abandonment**

_**Dawn**_

Part 3

The day preceding his and Thor's return to Asgard, SHIELD allowed me to speak with Loki. He was kept in a secure, grounded cell, far beneath the earth's surface. It was made very clear that my conversation with Loki would be carefully monitored. I was to make no physical contact with him whatsoever. Not that I had any intention to do so.

When I stepped into the room, he was sitting up on his mattress, as if awaiting my arrival. Some sort of metal device kept his hands bound together, in his lap. He likely was made aware of my visit—someone had placed a chair in the center of room for me to sit upon. After moving to it and sitting down I made eye contact with him for the first time.

"You look terrible," I said briskly. He rolled his eyes.

"So do you." I narrowed my eyes. Unlike him, the majority of my battle scars already had healed.

"You shall return to Asgard tomorrow with my brother and I, I presume? I am sure you have missed it…" His words cut into me.

"No. I shall remain on Midgard." After careful consideration, I had opted to stay. In SHIELD, I felt useful for the first time in my life. I felt I owed the realm everything. I could not possibly leave.

Furthermore, I was entirely detached from Asgard. I knew as soon as I arrived home, I would be forever looked upon as the girl abandoned by crazy Prince Loki, son of a Frost Giant. I would be unable to handle such labeling.

He widened his eyes in surprise for a moment, but said nothing. The silence between us was deafening with howls of all that had occurred. It suddenly dawned on me that this was the last time I would see him—I possessed no plans to watch him depart. I needed to come to terms with everything now.

"Did you ever care for me?" _Even a little bit?_

He laughed, loudly. "Does it really matter? You got in my way, and I disposed of you."

"Disposed of? I am still here. I stopped you."

"Yes… I should have made a bit more of an effort I suppose. I had no idea you would be so lucky, to be picked up by SHIELD."

"_Lucky? _I—"

"Please." He held up his cuffed hands to stop my speech. "I have no desire to hear you whine. Instead, tell me—how did a Lady of Asgard, such as yourself, become so _enamored _with this mound of rock, shit and imbeciles?"

Anger sparked. "You—_ignorant_—fool… How _dare _you speak of Midgard in such a way?"

"How dare you speak to me in such a manner? Unthinking Sigyn, this simple-minded realm could have been yours. I its king; you its queen."

"You—you were so set on destroying their ways to claim it for your own that you failed to see how perfect this place is, in its simplicity."

"I _pray _thee—quiet yourself. The streets reek with the piss of humans that the land cannot possibly sustain."

"Of course, because you have eyes only for Asgard—even after being cast out."

His eyes turned to coals. "They did not _cast me out. _I chose to flee for—"

"I know the truth, Loki." I was beyond listening to his lies. "No matter how hard you try, Odin will never care for you as he does Thor. Did you really see no other way out but to end your own life?"

"You have no comprehension of what you speak—"

"But I _do_. Over the past year I never once _considered _ending my life. Even after you—" I stopped speaking abruptly. I could not mention his attack on me for fear of SHIELD hearing and interpreting my words correctly. Instead, I settled for repeating my words from that night. "You left me here. I told you that I loved you, and you left me to rot."

In that moment, for a split second, I saw the recognition of my reluctance to mention it. He knew I never told SHIELD. Cold sweat broke out across my brow.

"Oh, poor thing. You are angry at me simply because you know that I _broke you _that night…_" _The words came out as if he's speaking to a child. "How much you have changed in the few days since then…"

I realized what he was doing: subtly—yet not so subtly—hinting that he made contact with me after his arrival in Midgard, counting on the fact that someone would pick up on it. I made no attempt to rebuff his insinuation.

"_Yes, _Loki. You _broke _me. And from the ashes, I was born again. I will _never _make the mistakes that I made again."

_I will never love again. _

He smiled, suddenly, as if he heard the thought that ran through my mind. "Oh, I know you shan't."

I knew what his words implied: I would never love another, because I would always love him.

I was so angry that every inch of me, from head to toe, quivered. By the time I could pull myself together enough to speak to him, my words seethed with uncontainable emotion.

"I_…hate…_you_…" _I whispered. "You _DISGUST _me. You think that, after everything, I would still care for you?"

He was still smiling. I wanted to pummel him into the earth. I wanted to murder him. I wanted to _watch him bleed_, and he was smiling.

"I cannot wait to hear what Odin does to you." All emotion was gone from my voice now. It was matter-of-fact, and to-the-point. "I hope he tortures you for the rest of eternity, so that for _every minute_ of it I can stand here and laugh at your idiocy."

And with that, I turned on my heel and strode from the room, slamming the door behind me.

But before I could move even two steps away from the door, I froze in my tracks. My words suddenly caught up with me, making me oblivious to the scuffle of the SHIELD guards relocking the cell.

_Hate. _Did I really? Hate was such an intense emotion—one I never really believed myself to be capable of. But it was true.

The man that I loved was gone, replaced by a twisted version of his former self—a monster. _A Frost Giant. _

I remembered when he first revealed his origins to me. Then, he could do no wrong and his harsh words felt like poison to my entire being. They begged to be disproved.

"_You will turn from me, I assume, now that you are aware of my true origins?_

_I don't blame you. I am a monster."_

No. I did not hate him because he was a Frost Giant. Yes, I hated the Frost Giants. It was in my blood to do so, as an Asgardian, but I hated them not for what they were, but for what they had chosen to do. Loki had sunk to the same level—perhaps even lower—at least in my eyes, considering the love I now felt for Midgard.

"Sigyn." Fury's voice was level, but when I looked up I saw the look of disbelief on Natasha's face. The Captain stood by and looked more concerned then anything else. They suspected. How could they not? Loki had all but spelled it out for them. "What was Loki talking about?"

"It is of no importance," I replied sullenly. I knew my attempt to divert their attention would be unsuccessful.

"I'll have to disagree. What was he talking about?"

I sighed. "Can we go somewhere more private?"

"I don't think so," Fury replied curtly, but he sent the guards away.

"The night that Loki stole the Tesseract he somehow got into my room in the Helicarrier."

"Impossible—how could he breach our security—"

"I have not the slightest inclination. But he did. He came and tried to force me to join his forces."

"But you resisted?" Natasha sounded skeptical.

"You could say that…" I was digging myself deeper into the hole by the second. _How could I possibly come out and say it? _

"Sigyn. What happened? We need specifics."

"He came. He tried to make me come with him. I refused," I whispered. My eyes glued themselves to the floor. "He kicked me and hit me, then he raped me. Then, he changed his mind and told me he wanted me to stay at SHIELD and spy for him."

"And what did you say?"

I sighed. "In the heat of the moment, I accepted. I was afraid. But by the next morning… I just felt pain and anger. Then Agent Romanov spoke to me and…"

I felt no need to continue, finally choosing to glance up at Natasha. She refused to meet my eyes.

"But you didn't tell anyone Loki had broken through our defenses."

"No, I did not. I apologize—I realize now that I should—"

Fury cut me off. "Apologies aren't enough. We can't trust you now. You should have alerted us the moment Loki entered the Helicarrier. Frankly, Sigyn, I could have you imprisoned alongside Loki for withholding such information."

"What information?" I said, exasperated. "He did not tell me anything!"

"He knew the location of the Helicarrier. He knew the layout of the building well enough to find your quarters among hundreds of others. He knew how to quickly and easily bypass SHIELD security without detection. Had you alerted us of his actions, we would not have brought Loki there, meaning he would not have ambushed us or have escaped as easily as he did."

As if I had been moving at the speed of light, his words hit me like a brick wall.

"And therefore, you are partially responsible for the lives of 39 SHIELD agents lost—including Agent Coulson."

_No. _

"Fury, you honestly believe that Sigyn is to blame for the attack on the Helicarrier?" Rogers demanded.

_No. I did not kill Phil Coulson. How could he say that?_

"I don't know what to believe, but the fact that she withheld the fact that he asked her to spy on us puts her loyalty to SHIELD into question."

_I was being selfish. I thought if I just pretended I was alright…_

"What can I do to make up for it?" I asked, panicking. I felt I made a legitimate impact on the battle in New York City. Perhaps if I offered to fight for SHIELD whenever they needed me?

"There is nothing Sigyn. You can't stay." Fury paused. "You will return to Asgard with Thor and Loki."

"_Fury—_"

"You can't—"

Fury's fist shot into the air, immediately silencing the shouts of Natasha and Rogers. He spoke more quietly now. "If my superiors knew about this, they would demand that you be intensely interrogated. They're looking for someone to blame for the attack on the Helicarrier and the destruction in New York. I suggest you go quietly and let me deal with the aftermath."

_I have to say something—anything. _"Fury—please! There is nothing for me back on Asgard."

"And there is nothing for you here."He turned to walk away.

"So this is how everything ends?" I demanded. "I devote my life to SHIELD for a year, I give you _ground-breaking _information on Asgard and the universe and you throw me away as soon as the opportunity presents itself?"

"Go _home._"That word.

"MIDGARD IS MY _HOME_!" I screamed, my voice cracking horribly. But there was no changing Fury's mind. I turned on my heel and flung myself down the hallway, grabbing up _Galdrs _as I went. Only when I had broken free of the underground cavern did I allow myself to fall to my knees and cry for the first time since the night Loki raped me.

Loki had now robbed me of two homes—the second formed solely in the absence of the first.

My heart skipped a beat as a thought crossed my mind. Was it really Loki's fault? Or was it my own weakness that led me to this point? Yes, Loki abandoned me to Midgard, but it was my own weakness that made me reach out for him when he ended our relationship. Yes, Loki broke into the Helicarrier and raped me, but it was my own weakness that disallowed me from telling SHIELD he had done so. Even thinking back to possibly our earliest interaction, my attempt to poison him, I was too weak to actual prevail. True, I was only a child then, but I felt suddenly ashamed at myself for realizing that such a method would have no effect on Loki. He was the Trickster God; he would see through all lies and deception. Maybe that moment was the basis for our entire relationship—his dominance over me.

Maybe I was truly to blame, at least partially, for everything that occurred.

_I cannot do this. _I did not want to leave. _It is not too late yet. I could—I could run off. No one could stop me. _

And live forever as an fugitive? No. No more lies. No more hiding. I needed to own up to my actions.

Maybe this was my curse: to be forever unwanted and unloved by those I care about most—to reside forever in total comfort and yet feel a longing to be on the opposite side of the universe. When I arrived in Midgard, I longed for Asgard; when I would arrive in Asgard, I would forever long for Midgard.

_**End of Dawn**_

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**A/N **I hope people are enjoying this even though I'm making it depressing as hell. Thanks for all the love in the reviews! They make me want to cry. xoxo


	10. Day: Part 1

**Abandonment**

_**Day **_

Part 1

When a warrior returns to Asgard after a battle, he is traditionally given a feast in his honor. It is considered the greatest honor, to prove oneself before all of Asgard and, therefore, the Allfather. Should they carry prisoners, the prisoners are swept into the corner, as a temporary monument to the hero's victory—dealt with appropriately _after _the celebrations.

This is the way Thor and I were received, with Loki in tow, upon our arrival. I felt the irony, that there was a massive festival before my departure and now there was another upon my return. It was almost as if nothing had changed.

But that was ridiculous; everything had changed. I could see it in the eyes of my friends and family. I could see it in the empty seat to my side, that no one was kind enough to fill. I could see it in the way everyone refused to mention the man with the muzzle that stood chained in the corner for the entirety of the feast.

I was not meant to be a warrior, but that was exactly what I returned as. No one knew what to make of it. No one mentioned it. Previously Sif had been the only one, and she had striven to prove herself to the Asgardian council _before _running into battle. She had neither been pressured into it, nor made to by condition.

Nor forced to fight against her betrothed, not that Sif had one.

As I sat three chairs down from Odin, with one empty chair between Thor and I, I pondered whether Odin would implore me to go into battle again. It was unlikely. The fact stung, barely, because, though I had no desire to fight for anyone but Midgard, I realized this meant I once again had no use. After this night of celebration I would return to being a lady of Asgard. An ornament, but this time without a man beside me. Therefore, my raised status would be gone as well, not that it ever made so much a difference, my father being the right-hand of Odin.

The meal was delicious. I had to admit that the food of Asgard was superior to that of Midgard. Everything tasted much fuller in the godly realm. To my dismay, I had no appetite so long as Loki was in the room. I took a polite three bites of every dish and tried to keep it down, ultimately successfully.

Finally, the plates were cleared, and the women were sent from the room. I stood to leave, but Odin raised his hand.  
"Lady Sigyn, you may stay." I nodded and took my place again. Honestly, I was not sure whether I truly wanted a hand in his punishment. The newborn warrior half of me surely did, but the meek, cowardly side wished to run from the room and bawl in my quarters, far away. Still, the entirety of me swelled with pride that Odin believed me worthy to stand in on a traditionally all-male ceremony. That was one small victory.

With the slamming of the doors behind the last of those leaving, the celebration was complete. The mood turned solemn. Two guards brought Loki to the front of the room and forced him to his knees as Odin made his way to the throne. Everyone stood and I followed suit.

"Loki, what have you done?" Odin's voice was quiet. The others, even Thor, tensed and I realized this was in no way an average trial. Odin motioned for Loki's muzzle to be removed. Irrationally, I wanted to scream for them to stop—I could not bear to hear his voice. I remained silent.

The first sound to come out of his mouth was a laugh.

"It does feel good to have _that _thing taken off. I could barely breathe." Sarcasm dripped off his every word. I rolled my eyes. It was highly inappropriate, but no one seemed focused on me.

Odin sighed, then spoke the formalities. "The council comes together on this eve to determine the punishment of Loki Odinson for—"

"_Odin_son?" Loki growled, making me flinch. He glared up at the king. "I am not your _son._"

"The criminal will remain _silent _unless spoken to!" someone shouted. I wondered how widespread the truth of Loki's origin was.

Odin continued, "For attempting to commit war crimes on two counts—once against Jotunheim and once against Midgard—for leaving Lady Sigyn, his then betrothed on Midgard and for attacking Thor Odinson, the Crown Prince, and therefore treason."

I had no knowledge that Loki's punishment would be partially on account of me. I was not sure how to feel about that.

In its judicial system, as possibly every way, Asgard is completely unlike the nations of Midgard. The criminal does not make a 'plea' in any form and the king makes all the decisions. The council of noblemen, and in this case one noblewoman, come together as more of a formality and guidance for the Allfather. They debate on suitable punishments, but ultimately Odin would make the final decision. The moment Loki was accused, he was condemned.

Odin asked for a suitable punishment and the room began spewing all sorts of horrors. At each one, the council determined it to be too lax—Loki was responsible for the destruction of the Bifrost, after all.

That was until someone yelled out, "Five hundred years beneath the Serpent of Skaoi!"

Odin's eyes widened fractionally, but there was a murmur of agreement throughout the room.

"Father!" Thor bellowed. "This punishment is most unsuitable! It had been unused for a millennium, and rightfully so! Even Loki is undeserving of this!"

"I will hear what all the council has to say, son," Odin replied. Without missing a beat, he turned to me. "Sigyn, you have made no motion on his chastisement. What say you?"

My heart stopped as I realized Odin would take whichever side I chose. I would choose his punishment. Thor turned to look at me, looking a bit relieved, as I would be his ally. _But am I?_

I considered what I knew of the serpent. It was surely the most gruesome punishments to be mentioned. I knew it was meant to cause horrifying pain in a controlled fashion, by dripping poison.

Suddenly, I became very aware of everyone watching me. Everyone but Loki, who did not move his eyes from the throne. It angered me. I imagined the thoughts running through his head, the expression on his face. He knew I would not allow him to be punished so horrendously. He knew I would stop them.

He knew _nothing _of me.

"I think this punishment to be suitable," I called out. Loki's neck twitched to the side, fractionally. I held my head high as the whispers of surprise swept around me. _No regrets. _

Odin raised his eyebrows at me. "Does no one but my son object?"

None spoke, but Thor could be heard slamming his fists down on the table and I knew I had forfeited any ounce of friendship I had with him.

"Very well. On this day, I sentence Loki Odinson to five hundred years beneath the Serpent of Skaoi."

That night, the nightmares began.

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**A/N **Some housekeeping, PLEASE READ. I apologize about the length of this chapter. The next two will be very long, I promise. I originally had some filler material at the end to lengthen it but I decided it was not worth wasting your time. Still, I did go through the effort to write it so I figured 'what the heck' and put it on my tumblr (luvkurai). Read it or don't, it has no real impact on the story. Think of it as a deleted scene. I did say I would put extras there and everything. I also have the soundtrack for this story there. Just click on **Writings and Such**, both are there.

Yes, **Day **is the last section of this fanfiction. That means there are two more chapters and an epilogue. I am considering doing two separate spin-off one shots of this. More on that when I get my thoughts sorted out.

Finally, thank you so much for all the kind reviews I have received for this story. They make me very, very happy. Until next time, xxx.


	11. Day: Part 2

**Abandonment**

_**Day **_

Part 2

For the forty-first night in a row—I had, indeed, been counting—I awoke in the middle of the night, screaming. I gasped for breath as I shoved the blankets away to feel the cool night air; sweat covered every inch of my body.

The dreams were never the same, but they never really changed either. It was always dark. I was always alone, at first. Then, slowly, people that I knew, or was at least acquainted with, appeared around. Sometimes there were many, sometimes there were few, but by the time I awoke I never could recall who the faces belonged to. The men and women crowded around me until I could see the whites of their eyes. In their eyes was cruelty.

Then, they began to wail. They were in pain, agonizing, unbearable pain. They attacked me, because their pain was my fault. Sometimes they said things to me. Sometimes they made me say things to them. Sometimes they only screamed. They cut me and beat me and I became sure I could take no more, but even then it went on for ages. Only when the fiery flames of impending death consumed me would I awake.

Today was the day.

* * *

"You have fifteen minutes," the guard told me as the door slammed shut. I heard the sizzle of magic as it locked itself. I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. After much persuasion, Odin and my family had convinced me to go and wash Loki, once. Everyone seemed to think that my sleep affliction, because it had become very obvious that I was not sleeping, could be cured by coming to terms with Loki. Why they could possibly think that was beyond me. They assured me he would be unable to even realize I was there. That was not really the problem though.

I did not want to see him. I did not want to look at him, even if he could not look back. Why did everyone always think that I needed to _see _my ex-fiancé? Be it to fight him, to speak with him or just to look at him. They had no comprehension of how much the simple _thought _of him hurt me. The nightmares would be worse that night, I was sure of it.

Finally, I looked around the room. The sight shocked me. Loki was laid out on a slab of stone in the far corner of the room. Chains held his arms and legs, disallowing any movement, so his body stretched over the entire length of it. He wore only thin white pants and his bare chest, which shone with a thick layer of sweat, was arched in a painfully strained position. A dip in the stone forced his head to turn upwards—to the ceiling. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and I absently wondered if he, perhaps, slept.

Then, I saw a drop of liquid fall. It hit his mouth directly, and almost the moment it made impact, the room erupted.

He screamed a scream so loud that the floors and the walls shook as if by an earthquake. The force and my surprise at it made me fall to the floor, head banging the cobblestone painfully. Thankfully, my washcloths did not tumble from the bowl. As the poison's toll released him, he panted slowly for air before silencing again. The quiet of only a moment before returned.

My heart was in my throat, breaking slowly and painfully. Unsolicited tears stung my eyelids, but I forced them down as I stood. As I made my way to Loki's side, the snake hanging from the ceiling caught my eye. The Serpent of Skaoi. Molded gold wrapped around it, keeping it prisoner, though, according to legend, it would not leave even if it could. It welcomed any victim provided. Supposedly, it was once a god like an other Asgardian, but his sadistic prowess drove Odin to transform him into the greatest torture device in all the realms. It was always just a story, but now I could see why.

It occurred to me that Loki could not possibly be sleeping—he was waiting. I recalled overhearing two SHIELD operatives conversing with one another in the cafeteria, months ago. They discussed obscure methods of torture. One such was 'Chinese Water Torture,' in which the victim would be totally restrained as a single droplet of water dripped onto his forehead, in continuous rhythm. This could, apparently, drive even the sanest man crazy.

I wondered which, in Loki's case, was worse—the anticipation or the pain itself.

Another droplet fell, immediately answering my question. This time I was prepared for the subsequent earthquake. I refused to watch the serpent any longer, so I began to wash the sweat off Loki's chest. It had long built up, and it took a bit of arm strength to truly remove all the dust and dirt.

My eyes itched and, before I could stop myself, I looked up. A third droplet formed on the tooth of the serpent. It quivered for an instant, then fell.

_Not again. _

I did not even stop to consider—I did not have the time. Before I could comprehend my actions, the washcloths were on the grimy floor and the bowl was over Loki's mouth.

The sound of the droplet hitting the center of the wooden bowl rang throughout the room. Finality.

_What am I doing? _Loki's face scrunched up in confusion. He had been waiting for the drop. He was completely withdrawn in himself; he knew only pain. None of his surroundings seemed real but the constant pain that pulsed like a slow heartbeat.

_This is wrong._ I needed to pull the bowl away. If Odin found out I prevented a droplet from hitting Loki's lips…

Another fell. This time Loki stirred, his arms pulled lightly against the chains. I felt my heartbeat pickup. A third droplet fell into the bowl. Above me, the Serpent of Skaoi hissed violently, though it could not free itself to attack.

By the time the fourth droplet fell into the bowl, I realized there was no going back. I could not let Loki suffer. It made no difference how much pain—both physical and emotional—he had inflicted on me.

The droplets continued to fall, seeming to pick up speed as the serpent became angrier and angrier.

At the _thunk _of the tenth drop, Loki's eyes snapped open. He groaned and twisted his head to look at me. Bewilderment and underlying surprise swept over him.

"Sigyn…?" I only nodded, refusing to meet his eyes. "What are you… doing…?"

I did not respond, but with each missed drop he became stronger, his questions more eloquent.

"Does Odin know you're here? Are you meant to be preventing the poison from touching me? Why are you here?"

The muscles of his half-cleaned chest strained as he tried to sit up and look at me more directly, to no avail.

"Sigyn. Answer me."

He _dared _to command me?! After everything? Did he not see that I could pull the bowl away from the flow of poison at any moment and he would be subject to torture once more?

Finally, there was a knock at the door. "Fifteen minutes, m'lady!"

The door opened, and the guard looked across the room to see me. He glanced at Loki and then the bowl.

"Lady Sigyn, what are you doing?" I still did not respond. I made no eye contact, refusing to tear my eyes away from the bowl. "Move the bowl from the stream! This is Loki's punishment!"

He strode towards me, but as the guard's hand touched my arm, I snatched _Galdrs _from the leather that kept it at my side. He flew across the room. Loki twitched, startled.

"_Sigyn._ The Allfather will hear of this and you will be—"

"Go to Odin," I commanded, suddenly. "Tell him what I have done and tell him I shall not cease. He is to be _released._"

The guard appeared to be frightened. He was young. "You… would dare to command the King?"

"I would." My voice was strong, despite the fact that my insides seized with every passing second. He hesitated. "_Go!"_

The man scampered back through the door, slamming it behind him.

"A bit of bite left in you, then?"

"_Shut up."_

* * *

An hour later, Loki was freed and dragged—because his legs were too weak to walk—to Odin's throne, with me leading the way, simply because I could not endure to look upon him.

"Sigyn. Tell me my guard's report is an untruth."

"It is not, your majesty."

"Why do you commit such an act? You yourself agreed this punishment was suitable."

If I would ever speak for my actions, now was the time. "King Odin, I have looked upon the pain of the Prince. He is your son and I find it appalling that you would allow him to go through something as heinous as the Serpent of Skaoi. I demand that he be confined in a more suitable prison—befitting his status as prince."

"Allfather, if I may speak on my own behalf—"

"Silence, Loki," Odin cut off his son angrily. I did not need to turn to see the petulant look that likely laced Loki's face. "Lady, you did agree upon his punishment yourself, along with the entirety of the council."

"I know exactly what I agreed upon. I was angry then and I have changed my mind. Following my suffering at the hands of your son…" I let out a quiet breath. It needed to be said. "And you, your highness, I judge this to be owed to me."

I met Odin's eyes and he looked taken aback. "In what way have I led you to suffer?!"

"You betrothed me to him in full knowledge of his origin. This action is the root of my suffering."

"I did not plan for you to be abandoned to Midgard—"

"Perhaps not…" I cut Odin off, boldly. "But you knew _something _disastrous should occur. And you placed me beside him nevertheless."

Odin stared at me for a long moment and I wondered if my insolence would land _me _in the den of the Serpent. But then he waved his hand dismissively.

"Very well. Guards, take Loki to the East Tower. It is not currently in use and is secluded enough that it should suffice as a prison…_befitting his status as prince_, as you say."

I nodded. It was the best I could ask for. I turned to leave.

"Sigyn. You will wait. I am not yet finished speaking with you." I had no desire to be alone with Odin, nor for Loki to be taken away from my eyes, even for a moment, as he could be brought back to the Serpent with heightened security. Odin realized this, and his angry, booming voice startled me, "I have given my promise, Lady Sigyn, giving in to your demands. You _will_ obey me this!"

I gave him a curt nod, but turned away indignantly. Loki did not turn to look at me as the guards carried him from the room.

"Sigyn." I turned back to face Odin with narrow eyes. "Why have you gone so far? Loki is responsible for your time spent in exile. You fought to bring him down, and yet you wish him to be free. Why?"

I gave no response. It likely appeared defiant in nature, but in reality, there was no response to give. I knew not why I acted as I did.

"I apologize for betrothing you to my son, but you are not correct. I did so for you and for all of Asgard, as well as my son."

Still, silence.

"Very well. If you will not speak to me, you will hear my commands. Your actions cannot go unpunished."

My throat closed up with fear and I turned my eyes away from Odin's to look at the floor.

"You will be solely responsible for Loki. There will be a guard stationed outside his room, but you will be the only one permitted to go in and out of the room. It will be ensured magically. You will bring him food and you will make sure his needs are satisfied."

_What? _What sort of punishment was that?

"You may be confused at this, but I remind you—Loki is selfish. He is angry. I am very aware that you posses no desire to spend even a moment with him, as you initially refused to see him earlier today. This is your punishment—you will forever be forced to care for the man that destroyed your life."

A single tear escaped my notice and fell to the floor. There was a reason for him to be king, I realized. He was wise. And cruel.

"You brought this on yourself."

_No. You did. _

"Is that all, sir?"

"It is," he replied. I turned on my heel and strode from the room. I arrived at the tower just as the guards pushed Loki into his new quarters.

"Only I can enter his chambers," I told the guards. "Odin has made it so."

Inside, Loki turned his back towards me. The room was of a good size and served as both the sitting area and the entrance. On the left side of the room was a doorway leading to the dining room, and on the right a doorway leading to the bedroom and bathroom. There were no doors but the entrance itself. The floors were lushly carpeted and the walls had decorations of tapestries and sculptures. Due to the distance from the main area of the palace, it was not generally used.

Loki sat on the couch in the far corner of the room. When I circled around to the other side, to retrieve water for myself, his eyes were squeezed tightly shut. I realized that perhaps he had not slept for the entirety of his imprisonment. I turned away from him.

"I could have done it."

His voice was uncharacteristically small. I did not need to question of what he spoke. I felt my neck twitch as I unwillingly flinched at the pain lacing his words. My eyelids closed, suddenly unbearably heavy. He sounded resigned, as if this was not the first time he uttered those words to someone.

I recalled the time, ages ago, when I pitied him for his pain. Then I realized that we were the same in that—_scared, wounded children very, very far from home._ We were so pathetic. We were so weak. Others took advantage of us at will; their expectations were our destruction.

I strode from the room.

* * *

**A/N **There is so much fanfiction swarming around in my head right now, with Loki and The Dark Knight Rises and such, but I want to finish publishing this first :/ Expect the next chapter in a bit less than a week, because even though it is written, I like making you suffer. (That was a joke, please don't kill me.) (Actually, it was only sort of a joke.)


	12. Day: Part 3

**A/N **I adjusted this chapter quite a bit, so I hope you all like the finished version. Sorry about the wait.

**Abandonment**

_**Day**_

Part 3

It felt as if the days passed slowly, but before I realized it, a half year had gone by since my return to Asgard. Time was slipping away from me, lost to routine.

At sunrise, I brought Loki his breakfast. Usually I was lazy with this meal, as I was not in the mood to serve him so early in the day. Generally I brought bread and cheese, and perhaps juice or fruit. I arrived early because I knew he would still be asleep and I did not wish to see him more than necessary.

For the other meals, I was not so lucky. There was no avoiding him. I often put off bringing lunch until well past midday, but in the end my guilt always got the best or me. I brought more bread, cooked vegetables and meats. When I arrived with his second meal, he sometimes asked me to bring him something. It could be a book from the library or a trinket he desired from his old quarters. I did not like going there, to his old room. He likely knew that and purposefully sent me there whenever he could remember something for me to bring. I never responded when he asked for something, but I also never refused him. Even after all the months gone by, I had not spoken a single word to him.

Dinner, I rushed to. I brought whatever he wanted and a meal far more decadent than the first two. More meat than he could possibly consume with the finest breads and side dishes I could come by.

Due to my predicament, I could not stray far from his quarters. I rarely visited the town center and I never visited any place outside the city. I used to enjoy nature. I climbed the mountains surrounding the city and I gazed up at the stars. I swam in lakes and napped in fields of wild flowers. Now, I barely left the walls of the palace.

"Why are you back here?" he asked me, one day. I did not respond. I never did, but he never stopped asking questions. "In Asgard?"

_It is your fault, so fuck off. _I wanted to laugh and cry at the crude Midgardian words that still coursed through my head.

"Sigyn."

I _despised _the sound of my name on his lips. I _hated _it. I wished to pummel him into the earth, not provide him with all the nourishments and comforts he desired. Odin was correct: this was as terrible a punishment as any. What would I have given to be able to go back and not demand Loki be moved from the den of the serpent.

But even as I thought the words, I knew them to be false. I did not save Loki for my own gain, or even because it was the _right thing to do_. I saved him because when I saw him scream my body would not allow me to do anything else. If I had not done so, I would be forever be trapped in that moment.

At the very least, the nightmares were gone, and I could sleep once more.

* * *

"Did you make that?" His strange question snapped me out of the reverie.

I was so surprised that I actually spoke to him for the first time in months. "What?"

My cheeks flushed as I realized my mistake. He smiled slightly but kindly did not let on otherwise that my response was anything unusual.

"The dress," He replied. "Or, specifically, the embroidery."

Glancing down, I realized I wore a dress with embroidery of silver and gold, creating an image of leaves and flowers that covered the entirety of the dress. I had no skills in embroidery. _Loki knows this_.

"No… My mother did." She had it sent to my quarters. It was too large for me, as I had been losing weight for a while. There was no way she would ever know if I did not wear it, but I wanted to. Recently, it felt as if it was the only connection I had with her. My father refused to allow any of the family to speak with me after my actions in the den of the serpent.

"Ah, I see…" He paused. "I thought… Perhaps, you had been practicing."

_With what time? _The entire situation was more awkward than I deigned to allow. I left the room, but the fact that we had conversed hung between us for weeks after. I constantly feared what it would bring.

Though I hated to admit it, I feared far more that it would bring nothing—that I was entirely imagining it.

* * *

Loki lounged on one of the couches when I carried in his dinner. A book was in his lap, but I heard it snap shut when he noticed me. I set the table, as I always did, but was aware of him overtly watching me. I looked up for a moment and our eyes met.

"Join me for dinner," he said, with no hesitation. The request was not so out of the blue. We had spoken multiple times by this point. Never anything serious, but enough to wet his tongue, I believed. He wanted more.

Still, I shook my head. Dinner was so personal. It was something we would have done in the old days.

_When did I start calling them the 'old days'?_

"There is only enough for you," I gave as my excuse.

He rolled his eyes slightly and said, "You always bring too much. Please. Eat with me."

My mind screamed to leave, but in truth I was starved for company. No one made the effort to speak with me and I ate every meal in solitude. I gave a small nod and sat at the opposite end of the small table from him. He used his dirty dishes from his midday meal and I used the clean ones.

"How is your family?"

"I know not. We do not speak."

"Your father is angered by your defiance towards Odin?" His forwardness shocked me, but I refused to give him any pleasure by looking up, allowing him to see my facial expression. I kept my eyes on my plate, continuing to eat normally. Nothing he said could faze me in the slightest.

"Rightfully so." I wanted him to think about that one for a while.

His next question came more quickly than anticipated. "And your mother?"

I paused. "She obeys my father. As do my sisters."

I suddenly felt more alone than before and I wondered if that was what he wanted. _To play with my mind. _I would not put it beyond him.

"What happens in the court?"

This I could answer. The endeavors of the court were widely known.

"Odin trains Thor to be king. Frigga attempts to make him marry, so the balls tend towards mating rituals." I hoped I did not sound excessively bitter.

"You attend these parties?"

I attended neither the meals, banquets nor balls of the court. I was not wanted and I certainly did not wish to be there. "No. It is common knowledge."

He continued questioning about the outside world, and I answered honestly, to the best of my ability.

"Why are you in Asgard?" He had asked me that question before, many times. I never answered because I did not wish him to know he was to blame. He would take far too much pride in it. This time I answered, because to not do so would give him equal, if not greater, satisfaction.

"I told SHIELD what you did… and what you tried to make me do." My voice was more level than I felt. "They decided they could no longer trust me."

"I see." I nodded and put my fork down. He did not apologize, I noted, but I was thankful for that. Apologies necessitated forgiveness, which I would not give.

Loki was silent and I finally looked up. He had not even picked up his utensils and I had nearly finished the meal. Annoyance became apparent on my features as I realized he had been watching me the entire time. With raised eyebrows he looked away from me and began eating.

It became a normalcy for us to dine together. Some meals passed in silence, others were more talkative. Sometimes we even laughed together.

* * *

"How goes Thor's courting?" He asked one evening.

"Not well," I replied. In all honesty, it pleased me that he inquired about his brother, even if such occurrences were rare, and even if he would not speak with him. "The Queen becomes more frustrated by the day. Thor refuses to sit with even one lady."

"He should not be so stubborn. The future of Asgard does depend on his choice in bride." His words of Asgard's future surprised me. He gave a shrug when he noticed my shocked expression.

"He refuses because of Jane Foster," I said, collecting myself.

"The Midgardian woman? Why does he linger on her so?"

"He loves her still. She was there for him when no one else was. She helped him to see the error of his ways." My voice was small and diffident. "He tries to make them understand… but…"

"They posses no wish to understand. A mortal could never reign over Asgard."

_Nor could a Frost Giant. _

"Thor recognizes his duty, but he also recognizes the leanings of his heart."

I tensed in preparation to hear Loki scoff at the _heart_. He would chide me and criticize Thor for his weakness.

The words never came. The conversation lulled into uncomfortable silence.

"I would like a drink. Would you?" Loki said, suddenly. He stood and made for the cabinet I had stocked with beverages—all alcohol. I just nodded. I felt self-conscious, unreasonably so.

I turned my eyes to _Galdrs, _absently, which I always kept at my side in his presence. I took no risks, despite the fact his powers were bound and I was completely in control.

He returned with two chalices of wine. He handed me my glass and realization washed over us simultaneously. The chalices were of crystal. Our eyes met.

I knew what he was thinking—he was thinking about the way I tried to poison him. He was wondering if he should mention it or if that would be too forward. He probably thought that was what I remembered as well. That was our conversation topic, after all, the last time we shared drinks in this way. But I, instead, considered the meaning behind the chalice itself.

_Pure admiration, devotion and good intentions._

This is what was crossing my mind when he whispered, "May I speak frankly?"

My mouth opened and closed. He took my silence as affirmation.

"I… made many mistakes, Sigyn."

Fear overwhelmed me because I could not hear what he was going to say. I set my chalice on the table between us, to make a quick getaway. I could not hear it because—

"I strove to destroy an entire race, and enslave another. I disappointed my family."

He paused. I wanted to run and hide and never see him again.

"I—I tried to kill myself. I abandoned all endeavors for a happy, decent life, without a care… Yet… The only thing I truly regret is having broken your heart… and putting you through so much pain."

His words froze me. They froze time. For a moment, the universe halted its angry orbit. My thoughts of anger and resentment fell away.

"I love you," he whispered.

It was all worth it. Over the time gone by, I suffered. I reached lows that I never considered to be possible. I was alone, I was empty, I was _dead inside_, all because of him. But none of that mattered. I went on an odyssey to hell and back, just to hear those three, tiny, insignificant words.

And I had no regrets.

A look of concern crossed his face and I realized I was crying. More than crying—sobbing. I sucked in a huge, gasping breath of musty air and tried to force myself to relax, but not even forced meditation with _Galdrs _would ease the emotions pulsing through my veins.

"I love you as well," I whispered, as I approached his side.

His hands skimmed my chin to cup either side of my scalp. He moved in to kiss me.

In that moment, I abandoned everything. I abandoned the morals pounded into me from birth. I abandoned my love for Midgard. I abandoned my respect for the Allfather, Thor and all of Asgard. I abandoned everything I had ever known—except one tiny thing. Loki, and my love for him. My undying love which, in that moment, reached all the way for the heavens.

His lips touched mine, and it all came crashing back down around me. It was raw. It was simple. It was the way it should have been for all those years, when it was not. Something had been absent from us for centuries. Was it love that had been missing? Was it necessity for one another, or was it loneliness? Or perhaps some combination of the three?

I was shaking.

"Do you… you trust me?" He asked. The anxious, panicky edge to his voice was almost completely shielded, but I heard it.

I hesitated, not in uncertainty, but in fear at how quickly the answer came.

"I do." I felt appalled at myself. I had vowed continuously to never love again, to never trust again, to never make myself vulnerable again, and yet I so easily turned back to the man that led me to make those vows in the first place. He saw the apprehension in my eyes, I knew he did. Then, as my answer slowly washed over him, he looked at me in awe. Awe, as if I was something to be revered, to be treasured. Even before disaster, he _never _looked at me that way.

He pulled me to him carefully. In complete opposite of the first two times (if I even ventured to deem the second time), he acted as if my body was made of precious glass. He dared not break me again, neither heart nor body.

Vaguely, in the back of my mind, I wondered if this was all an act—simply to gain my trust so he could escape from here. Or perhaps his carnal instincts were getting the best of him and he needed to expel his lust somehow. But I quickly quashed those thoughts, because if I was going to go through with this I could not afford to constantly wonder if he was lying.

_Trust. _

I could hear Natasha's voice in my head. _Running back to him like a beaten dog. _

But he was not asking me to join him and aid him in the murder of millions of people. Should he ask me for forgiveness for his actions against Midgard and his family, I would be unable to do so. Regardless, it would not be my place to forgive those actions. Despite any allegiances I may have held, I was neither a part of SHIELD nor Asgard. I had forfeited my right to inclusion in both.

"Loki," I murmured. When was the last time I spoke his name? It must have been months ago, when Fury told me I would return to Asgard. Suddenly I wanted to say it with every breath I possessed. "Loki, Loki, Loki…"

Without a word, he gathered me up into his arms and carried me out of the sitting room and into his sleeping chamber.

The bed was far nicer than my own. My head rested against a mound of feather pillows as Loki set me down carefully. He slid up beside me then, kissing me again. He licked my lower lip slowly, as if trying to memorize the flavor. As if I could disappear from him at any moment.

I needed to show him I would stay. I may have told him I trusted him, but I needed to show him for him to believe. Shaking his body away from mine, I shifted my position so I could be above him. I took a long moment to survey him as I had been unable to for months and months. His chest was still chiseled, his arms were still perfectly toned. I wondered if he worked his body in my absence or if Frost Giants were simply built as such. He caught my line of vision as I turned my attention to his face.

_He needs me_. Finally, as opposed to the other way around, I kissed him. I pressed my body down against his and spread myself over as much of him as I could. My body flush against his, I tangled my fingers into his silky hair and tried to crawl inside. I felt, rather than heard, his groan as he ached for my skin contact. I separated myself from him only enough to loosen the top half of my silk gown. My nipples twitched at the cool temperature of his chambers, but quickly hardened beneath his palms. He kneaded me gently and I moaned into his mouth.

Quickly, he rolled over so that he was on top again. He needed to make sure I would not go anywhere. He needed to prove to me his adoration. He shifted is weight and removed his own shirt while I pushed the silk down my legs. He tossed both bits of fabric to the floor and added his trousers to the pile as well.

Then he stopped. He just froze and I wondered, in fear, if he would decide his actions to be ridiculous and would leave me alone. _Again._

But he did not. He shifted his weight upwards, to kneel around my waist. His thumb brushed against my upper navel before trailing all the way up to my chin. My eyes fell closed as the inside of his hand brushed against my cheek. I leaned into him.

"I do not want to let you go…" He told me. My eyes shot open.

"I will never go…" I promised. His eyes said he wanted to believe me but could not—because how could I ever forgive him for his actions?

"I will never forgive you for what you did to me," I whispered slowly. "But I love you regardless. I need you. We need each other."

He exhaled, slowly and shakily, then said, "Thank you for saving me from the serpent."

We stopped talking. I tucked my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me.  
It was not our first time, but it felt that way. We explored each other's bodies with the mixed audacity and nervousness of excitable virgins, coming together for the first time to partake in glorious physical exaltation. Each of his touches felt novel and each of mine sent a jolt of rebellious exhilaration through the fabric of my being.

There was no dominance and there was no submission. Should he have made even the slightest attempt for a single ounce of authority I would have fought for it ounce ten times over. He knew that. We were equal. We were lovers. We did not need the labels of fiancé or ex-fiancé or _harlot _or _whore_. We did not need any labels. All I needed were his lips pressed against my neck and my stomach and my core; all he needed were my hands skimming against his arms and his backside and his quickly hardening cock.

Eventually foreplay took its toll on me and I let out a strangled cry, wordlessly begging him to be inside me, because I could no longer be without him and live. He obliged. This time, there was no pain as he slowly pressed himself into my streaming slit. I rocked my hips up to meet his and the small distance between us finally closed completely.

He was whispering something into my ear, but I could barely remember where I was, let alone understand the sweet nothings he placed in my head. Another time perhaps I would look back on them and blush, but at the time I was without shame, without care.

He pushed suddenly, with force enough to make me scream, completely with pleasure. The intensity of our lovemaking escalated instantly. My legs wound themselves tightly about his hips and his hands flew to my cheeks, desperately trying to gain my eye contact. I could not focus enough, however, and my eyelids fluttered closed as my neck arched backwards against the headboard. Aside from the perfect agony building up inside me I felt his lips pressing gently against my eyes, over and over again. The kisses spiraled out from my eyelashes until he strayed close enough to my mouth for me to capture his lips and pull him back to attention. He pulled away from the kiss and I finally opened my eyes as he shifted upwards. I moved along with him because I could not bare to loosen my grip on him even momentarily. I hissed against his neck as his sex shifted inside me.

He whispered my name repetitively, interlaced with terms of endearment like darling, baby, sweet and lovely. He called me beautiful and I wanted to cry. I whispered words of love and he whispered words of regret and self-hate. I tried to silence them, but he would not be silenced.

Still entirely sheathed inside me, he began to speak more clearly. "I let go of the spear, Sigyn. I let go because I had no other choice. There was no going back. Not after what I did. I could not face up to my actions. I wanted to die."

He pressed his face into my shoulder so I could not see is expression, but in my mind it was clear as day. He was so utterly alone. It was partially self-inflicted, true, but that did not lessen the tragedy of the situation in the slightest. He was lost.

"I thought the Chitauri were the answer. I truly believed it to be the Norns' plan for me, to take Midgard as my own…"

He stopped speaking and pressed his hips downwards. I felt his fingers run themselves through my hair. A breathy sigh wisped over my tongue but was too weak to make a sound. Loki pulled back and I looked up at him. His normally pale features were flushed pink, whether from physical yearning or emotional distress I could not tell. I moved one hand away from the nape of his neck to his forehead.

_So beautiful. _

My back aching at the effort, I arched upwards to kiss the corners of his mouth. At the edge of my sight, a bead of liquid rolled down his cheek. I consumed the drop and its trail with kisses but the memory of it lingered.

I failed to notice he was leaning down again until my head pressed into the pillows again. I rolled my hips in a circular motion, trying to increase and intensify the already concentrated friction between us. A rumble formed in my throat and slowly grew, especially as my hand dove to my clit. Our lips met, his tongue travelled between my teeth. One burning hot hand left my neck to relieve me and suddenly I was unraveling.

"Oh, Sigyn," Loki murmured against my mouth. I desperately wanted to say his name back but I refused to separate my tongue from the restraint of his for even a second.

We came together, suddenly, without warning, eyes locked. Our naked bodies collapsed against one another and a scream filled the room—mine. His arms circled around me to pull me against him and even as the passion faded he did not loosen his grip. My eyes fell closed.

Hours, or at least what felt like hours, passed. We did not speak. He rolled off me to lay beside me. I felt his head tuck into the crook of my neck, his breath brushing against my shoulder. Finally opening my aching eyes, I saw his were closed. His dark, long eyelashes twitched slightly against the tips of his cheekbones.

I looked down at myself and there were no bruises, no blemishes. I ran a hand along the skin of my stomach. My lips felt swollen, barely, and my vagina ached from use, but both would fade quickly. I did not wish them to. I suddenly felt afraid, as if our reunion was only temporary and we would go back to not speaking, not touching. I would be unable to bare it. I let out a shaky breath and felt him shift against me, pulling me closer against his solid chest.

"I wish to marry," he whispered. His arms curled tightly around my waist. He did not open his eyes. "As soon as possible."

_**End of Day**_

* * *

**A/N **Whew. It feels a bit odd to finish something, to be honest. The epilogue will be up in a few days, just smoothing out the rough edges currently. I know there are some open ends from this chapter, some questions you may have. Hopefully all will be mentioned in the epilogue. Thanks to everyone that has been with me since the beginning, everyone that joined along the journey, and everyone that will enjoy in the future.


	13. Norns and Fortuna

**Abandonment**

**_Epilogue_**

Norns and Fortuna

Everything repeats itself. Everything is a cycle of birth and rebirth. Every life possesses low points as well as high points. Each being, in this universe, experiences moments of complete and utter darkness and despondency, but these moments are balanced with moments of light and happiness.

* * *

There is no need for me to explain myself. I forgave Loki because I love him and one does not easily explain so complicated an emotion. But if I, for whatever reason, was forced to provide an explanation, this would be it: Loki and I have only each other. Despite his actions, we have been the only ones for one another since the beginning. Others required it, but we made it so. We chose each other in our desperation. We chose each other to set ourselves free and we chose each other because we cannot be alone. We were alone for too long already.

We are continuously cast out by those we care for. In our own ways, we even cast out one another. He may have rejected me first, but I rejected him when he needed me. And it took far too long for us to realize and correct our mistakes.

Others continuously abandon us, just as we continuously abandon them. My family will never forgive me for returning to Loki, and I will never forgive them for the way they judged me when I most needed them. Loki's father by blood abandoned him at birth, and his adoptive family abandoned him when he was already lost. While Odin's intentions may have originally been good, by the time the consequences reached their climax, they had morphed into something terrible and catastrophic.

We will never be subject to such injustices again.

* * *

On Midgard, while studying ancient religions, I read about a Roman goddess known as Fortuna. She is the bringer of good luck and bad, determining each being's momentary prosperity. According to ancient murals and texts, she does so using a spinning circle—the Wheel of Fortune, or, in Latin, _Rota Fortunae_. From what I could tell, the wheel became a pop culture symbol over the centuries, but I was more interested in the religious aspect.

In many versions, the artist portrays her as blindfolded, and philosophers take this to mean she is insane and dumb. In my readings, I felt this was a bit harsh. I see it instead as meaning she was indifferent to the many races of the universe. They say indifference is the worst emotion to feel towards someone—more brutal than hate—but regardless I feel this places everyone on equal footing, for better or for worse.

Fortuna's wheel is said to be decorated with four shelves, with an inscription on each one. Each person oscillates between the levels equally, but Fortuna, blindfolded, is unable to show favoritism to anyone, even if they may be deserving of her good graces. She determines one's luck in two separate aspects: love and war.

* * *

We did marry. I went to Odin immediately and all but demanded that he allow Loki and I to be wed. He stared at me for a moment, then allowed it. His anger was apparent, but he made no move of prevention.

Our marriage was small. We knew none would be bothered to attend, so we did not bother to invite anyone. Odin removed the magic on Loki's room for one day so that we could be married in the throne room. But even the Allfather himself did not show. We said our vows before a single presider and an empty banquet hall holding hundreds of seats.

It would be a lie to say it was the happiest day of my life. But that day quickly approaches.

* * *

The four shelves of the wheel read as follows: _regnabo_ (I shall reign), _regno _(I reign), _regnavi _(I have reigned), and _sum sine regno _(I am without a kingdom). Though such phrases obviously were meant to refer to the kings and emperors of ages past, they ring true for everyone. In times of contentment they remind us to not take bountifulness for granted. In times of darkness they remind us that our time will come again.

* * *

I am with child. We neither tried for it nor aimed to prevent it, but it occurred nevertheless. Loki worries, as he will be forever imprisoned and our child will likely be bullied, as the son of a traitor and a prisoner. And what will the child think when he hears of the actions of his father?

I make no attempt to quash my husband's fears because they are real. We must be prepared.

What I _do _tell him is that regardless of what happens, we will love the child with all our hearts.

He does not ask if I worry about it being a half-blood. He likely worries what my response would be. I almost wish he would ask, because I could say honestly that I care not about it being part-Frost Giant. If it was anything else, it wouldn't be our child.

* * *

The existence of Fortuna is, of course, false. I know this to be true because the caverns buried deep within Asgard house the true makers of fate: the Norns. They are huge women that live beside the legendary Well of Uror and use threads to create the destinies of everyone that lives and breathes. Beside them lie the roots of Yggasil, the tree from which stems the nine realms of the universe. The women lie at the center of Asgard, which lies at the center of everything.

The Norns are not blind, and they are neither insane, nor stupid. They are perfectly aware of what they allow to occur. In reality, they are responsible for everything. Every war, every death, and every tragedy is their doing, and oftentimes, according to the more bitter of scholars, they do not even have the courtesy to make up for it as Fortuna eventually would have, though unwittingly. It is common knowledge in Asgard that the Norns reside miles beneath our feet, determining our fate, playing with our lives, but there is no way to change their minds, no way to even meet with them, as once one enters their domain, one can never return to the outside world. Asgardians simply ignore their existence and go on, living their lives in the only way they can—oblivious.

* * *

No matter the gender, our child will be named Nott. I made the decision, and though Loki is less than thrilled, he accepted.

The word means 'night' in the ancient tongue, but, in my mind alone, it stands for more than that. For me, the hours after sunset represent the most tragic, desolate hours in existence. It is hard to remember this on Asgard, but oftentimes I dream of true darkness; the darkness of when Loki abandoned me; the darkness of when he assaulted me; the darkness of when I abandoned him to the serpent, and myself to anger and resentment. Each ounce of darkness brought me pain, but each ounce made me stronger.

Despite the child's name and all that it will be forced to struggle through, the child will be loved. The child will not reside in oblivion. It will know the truth of the past, and how its parents wronged and were wronged. The child will fight, and should they fail, my husband and I will catch them before they can plummet into despair.

* * *

On Midgard, the 'message' sent is of utmost importance. According to what I managed to overhear at SHIELD, politicians of every nation aim to make certain facts extremely known to the people. The facts may be false, or horribly warped, but it is necessary nevertheless. People need hope. The It was surely in mind during the formation of the Avengers. They were meant to be protectors, yes, but they were also meant to show that anyone can pull together for the good of humanity. That there is always hope, and even if everything falls, Midgard would be avenged, unconditionally.

This is the message I want to send to my parents, Odin and all of Asgard. This is the message I want to send to Natasha, SHIELD and all of Midgard. This is the message I want to send to Loki, and, most importantly, this is the message I want to send to my child, that will be born on the dawn following the darkest night.

Even in death, there is life.

Even in darkness, there is light.

Even in evil, there is good.

And from night, day will always bloom.

_**The End**_

* * *

**A/N **The great Tom Hiddleston himself (surprise, I'm a fan) said, "The possibility of redemption is right around the corner, but we have to earn it." This story is in many ways a Loki fangirl's attempt at redeeming him. Nothing can ever change what Loki did. It was hard for me to make him as violent as he was, especially towards Sigyn in Night 3, because I feel like deep down he isn't a bad person. He is just broken. He needed someone to show him that all is not lost, and that is what Sigyn is meant to do.

A lot of wikipedia was used as well as some Norse Mythology databases. During my initial research I thought I read Nott (goddess of night) was the child of Loki and Sigyn, but it turned out that it was wrong and the actual situation was ridiculously complicated and unintresting. So I simplified it. Mythology junkies, please don't kill me. The story of the Norns is only slightly altered and Fortuna is not altered at all. As was said in the first chapter, _Galdrs Hapts _is Sigyn's namesake, not her weapon and it stands for what Sigyn is-the incantation fetter. This means that she can break through spells and lies, therefore making her the perfect match for her husband, Loki, the master of spells and lies.

Her name translates directly to 'Victorious Girlfriend.' If you would kindly remember the beginning of Dawn 1, Sigyn thinks about the endurance of women. This unflinching effort to carry on is what makes Sigyn victorious, over Loki, over Odin and over the expectations that surround her. In some of the versions of the stories I found, Loki is cruel to Sigyn for the entirety of their relationship. In others, he is first obsessed with her, then hateful, then kind when he sees her incessant gentleness and good-nature. Regardless of the version, Sigyn ultimately prevails because she loves Loki and she therefore is able to stay with him. In modern times, this would be viewed as an abusive relationship, but back then Sigyn was the model wife that all women should want to mimic.

My Sigyn being heavily based off the Sigyn of mythology, this means it isn't so strange that she would go back to him after he rapes her. After that particular chapter, some people assumed this meant there would not be a happy ending. I guess that depends on whether or not the ending I wrote qualifies as happy. Personally, I think so, because Sigyn got what she wanted all along: to be with Loki. It may not be the way she planned, but she did get what she wanted. Also, Loki and Sigyn love each other. I think that makes it happy. On the other hand Sigyn doesn't have any friends and she is stuck in a place that she hates, watching the man she loves slowly rot away. So it goes both ways.

Whew. I hope you enjoyed my little essay. I didn't proof read it so sorry for mistakes. Now for a bit of shameless self-promotion.

I have just started publishing a The Dark Knight Rises fanfiction entitled _**Hurricane.** _It is a LOT darker than this. Next week I will begin publishing a Loki/OC (with a bit of Loki/Sigyn) fanfiction entitled _**Without You**. _It will be LESS dark than this. More information on my profile page.

Thank you for reading and THANK YOU FOR THE RIDICULOUSLY KIND REVIEWS. You guys are the best readers ever. Message me here or on my tumblr (luvkurai).

xxx, Kurai


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